I Hate Ebay! Well Not Really But Every Time I Sell On Ebay I Get Screwed!

I have to say I just don’t understand why every selling transaction I have at Ebay is messed up. Usually, my main mistake is in estimating shipping costs too low. Then I end up spending my supposed profit on the shipping costs. Anything I earn is never sufficient to cover the time and frustration I put into the auction and shipping.

After I do a sale, I usually remember what a waste of time it is and vow never to sell anything again. Unfortunately, at some point I forget this vow and repeat the process. Don’t they say insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting different outcomes?

Well, my last sale with Ebay was the worst. My loving husband gave me a voucher for a free round trip plane ticket for valentine’s day. I tried to think of a way to use it that did not involved spending more money I did not have. I could not come up with anything. Finally, I come up with a plan. I notice listed on Ebay are tons of these vouchers. I can sell my voucher and earn a good bit, enough to pay for the cruise I want to take for our Anniversary in September. I check out how to list such an item and go for it. During the auction, it seems like a great idea. The bid price slowly goes up and soon it is close to $400. Everything is great until close of auction. I pack up the voucher, go to the post office, and ship it out to her. I want to send it insured but am told I can’t because it is a voucher. I have to ship it registered mail, which costs me about $25, much more than I charged her for shipping. Then because it is going registered mail, it takes weeks to arrive. Apparently, this is the most secure level of mail so it is slow. From this point on, everything goes wrong. The buyer is pissed the mail takes so long. She accepts my item and I have to help her get voucher changed into her name for her use, which takes much time and effort. The buyer books her plane ticket and THEN reports me to her credit card company to retract her payment! So far, I am still out over $400. They buyer has a free round trip plane ticket and continues to claim, she told her credit card company that she cancelled the retraction but papal continues to state her credit card company maintains she disputes the charge. I do not know what to believe, but it appears likely she cheated me and I am screwed. I want to believe in the goodness of others, but with each day, Paypal asks me to repay them 400 and something dollars!

Southern California Fires (But Really This is All about Me!)

So it becomes clear this morning that the fire situation is escalating. In regards to our house, the fires are not that close. However, when you live in a Valley, there are basically two ways in and out. One on each end of the valley. I travel between home and the San Fernando valley every day to and from work. The fire is basically at the freeway I take to work, so that once this freeway and any adjacent canyon roads are closed, the only other option to return home is via the other entrance on the far side of the valley. However, to get there from work means I need to travel to the 101 freeway, which is basically one of the most crowded annoying So Cal freeways to begin with, but now that it is the only option home for many people is twice as crowded. Then I need to take the 101 basically around behind the valley and approach home from the back exit.

I only had one patient in the afternoon at 3 pm. In reviewing her appointment history, it was clear she had missed three previously scheduled appointments with me in a row. I knew she would not come, but I could not leave until after her appointment or she called to cancel. I called her 3 times on her cell and home numbers leaving messages to confirm appointment please if not able to come. Of course, she did not call. Therefore, I had to wait to leave work until after 3:30 when the freeways were already overcrowded. It took me over 2 hours to get home on freeways moving about 5 mph. I had to go to the bathroom for most of the way home, but could not make myself exit the freeway and delay the journey even more. Ugh, what a crappy day!

The Prodigal Husband Returns

Carlos came back today. I was looking forward to his return. For practical reasons, I can’t wait to have some help with the kids. On the other hand, I was also looking forward to some adult attention and conversation. Unfortunately, I arrive home with the girls and Carlos gives them appropriate and enthusiastic fatherly attention but seems to have little attention left for me. Some days I really miss being the center of my husband’s attention.

Life with the Strong-Willed Child

I realized this week that I only have one major thought when picking up Sofia from day-care. Sadly, it is not, "I can't wait to see my darling," or "What wonderful thing did my angel do today?' Instead, it is, "Okay what kind of trouble did she have today and will the teacher look at me with that look and sad nod?" I haven't felt this way in a while. I did feel this way when she went to Pinecrest during the toileting troubles. I eventually realized that Pinecrest had unrealistic rules about toilet-training and crappy teachers who were vilifying me and my child. We moved Sofia to her current placement and overall, we have both been happier.

However, I find those stressful thoughts and feelings returning and I am unsure what to do. Basically, Sofia is now 4. They expect her to listen and follow directions. Sofia does not agree. She would rather do what she wants to do. I don't blame her. It seems to me that most 4-year-olds would want to do that. However, how come it seems like the other children don't seem to have the same problems? A part of me feels like the world has unrealistic expectations for all children due to pressure to educate. Am I the unrealistic one?

Sofia does not have any problems academically. I hear she helps her peers most days. Unfortunately, she does like to climb the bookshelves or the fences. I am just not sure what to do. I want to believe she will mature and grow out of this. I think I struggle with this because I never had problems like this as a child. I was afraid to disobey. I was a follower not a leader. I kind of want Sofia to be a leader and I admire her strength and obstinence. BUT, I am tired of feeling condemnation by teachers. Not enough to really want Sofia to change however.

Life without Husband

I am trying not to feel depressed about my husband’s upcoming business trip. I should be grateful he has had less business trips this year than usual, but all I can think of is one whole week being a single mom. Carlos is off to Virginia tomorrow and won’t return until Saturday. I do think it is harder for the partner who stays than for the one who goes away. I know his trip will not be relaxing but it will involve some down time. Being a single mom means that after an exhausting day of work, you commute home only to go to two places to pick up your kids, cook dinner, supervise homework and baths, get girls to bed, and then clean up, go to bed, only to wake up and get 3 people ready for the day, drive the girls to 2 different places, and then head into work for the whole thing to start again!

Ensenada

Well, I did exert myself today. We actually did a mountain bike trip while the cruise was in Ensenada. We took a bus over to the Calafia Valley and were fitted with mountain bikes and gear. Then we took off with a small group of people and a few guides and rode up into the hills. It was damn hot! It was not true mountain biking. Some of the roads were paved. Even when unpaved, the path was wide and not too rocky. It was actually kind of fun because you could go very fast and the speed was exhilarating. I did really well until we were on our way back and I decided I was doing so well, I would take my camera out and take a few pictures…while biking…and once I realized that I was going a bit too fast and was approaching my husband too quickly and needed to brake. Unfortunately, with one hand on my camera and the other on the brake, I thoughtlessly hit the brake and only stopped the front tire. So I hit the ground pretty good and now have some nice road rash on my knee. In spite of this, I still had a great time.

Just Relaxing by the Pool

Well, so far have done little more than relax and eat. I have spent many hours next to the pool listening to books on my phone. I don’t feel guilty at all. Working to have fun on your vacation is highly over-rated!

Cruising...

Well, we leave on our cruise today. Carlos and I have our anniversary this week. Every year my goal is to schedule some getaway with my husband without kids (although I love my girls I value some adult time with my husband now and then). Every year I start to plan something early in the year that will be exciting and yet affordable. Every year I have a difficult time. This year was no exception. With no extra money at all, I finally realized that the only affordable alternative was the Baja cruise yet again. Therefore, that is why we are going on another 5-day cruise to Ensenada this week. Now don’t get me wrong, I actually kind of like this cruise. It is cheap and local. After we drive to the port, we just spend the next 5 days enjoying ourselves with no major decisions and no driving and all meals included.

Anyway, even though I have been on this cruise many times, I am so excited to spend the next 5 days relaxing with my husband.

More TrueBlood

I am wanting to dislike this show. I already have too many shows I am slightly addicted to and feel the need to DVR on a regular basis. The summer always frees up some of my time and helps my separate a bit from my obsessions so I don't spend so much time watching television after the kids go to sleep. However, episode 2 and I still find myself sucked in!

Again, some of the visuals were kind of graphic for me (I mean they grossed me out!). I had no need to watch anyone actually drink blood or lick an open head wound. However, I find myself being sucked into the courtship of Sookie and Bill. I also find myself interested in the supporting characters too. Does anyone fear for Sookie's brother's life while he is tied to the bed and his lover is at work? I am also wondering about the cliffhanger and the scenes from next episode. Bill seems more like a loaner than a guy with a bunch of crazy vampire friends. So who are his house guests and why is Sookie always being attacked?

Can pregnancy and motherhood make us smarter?

I just received my latest APA Monitor in the mail, which is the monthly publication all members of the American Psychological Association receive. The cover actually excited me with the big headline: The Pregnant Brain: How Pregnancy And Motherhood Change A Woman’s Brain—For Good. We have been hearing about studies related to this for several years now, but it was nice to have validation on the deficits I noticed during pregnancy and beyond and receive some hope that motherhood has other advantages than the more obvious ones.

Basically, multiple research studies document the fact that most women experience cognitive deficits during pregnancy. Studies confirm that women perform worse on memory tasks and other cognitive abilities. In fact, the most fascinating confirmation of “baby brain” was found in a study by Oat ridge et. al. in the January 2002 American Journal of Neuroradiology showing that that women’s brain volume diminished by about 4 percent during pregnancy and returning to normal after delivery!

The Monitor summarized other research showing most of these deficits appear to reverse after pregnancy and nursing. Research also speculates that these changes may serve as a means to allow mothers to eventually exhibit improved cognitive functions. There has even been research to show that mothers exhibit improved cognitive functioning and less memory decline than individuals who have never given birth (well, so far at least in rats).

So being pregnant may make you stupid, but it will go away once the baby is born and this process may help you become smarter into your old age.

Everyone Loves a Parade

My daughters and I marched the Simi Valley Days Parade for the second time today. Well I had the opportunity to walk the parade route and hand out flyers while my daughters were supposed to ride the YMCA Adventure Guide float. We did the parade last year and it was fun but I also had to walk last year and push a stroller as they would not let my youngest on the float.

This year I was excited for my youngest as she was old enough to ride the float this year. Alas, she was kicked off the float before the parade even started. Now Sofia is only 4 years old and her focusing and patience are still in development. The float nazi kicked her off because she would not stay seated. She ended up walking the entire parade route passing out flyers for the YMCA and charming everyone. I think the YMCA should pay her for marketing!

After the fact, I realized I should have challenged the judgment. We were told to arrive at the parade and float at 7 am. The kids were allowed on the float around 7:15 and were told to sit on the hay bales. Then we waited and waited and waited. The parade did not start until 9 am!!! And we were #64 in the line-up which means our float did not start moving until after 9:30! Who expects any child to sit on hay for over 2 hours on a non-moving float?? Initially, I was just frustrated because Sofia does have spotty attention. However, eventually I realized it was unfair to expect anyone to sit for hours on hay.

In spite of my grumpiness about this one fact, we all had a great time. I wore my running shoes this year and I had no pain or blisters at all.

True Blood

I watched the first episode of Trueblood last night on HBO. HBO already has a pretty good reputation for compelling television series and I have to admit like a lot of people I seem to be a sucker (no pun intended) for a good vampire story. I am not sure why we are so intrigued by a vampire tale. I know mine dates back to Anne Rice and her vampire series (thanks to my friend Erica who started that particular addiction). I recently read the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer. So when I heard HBO had a new vampire series, I set it up to record on the DVR. My addiction to the DVR should be a good blog post in itself!

Once again, I feel conflicted over my review. I must admit it was a seductive pleasure. The story and characters were compelling, even the tiny glimpses of the lead vampire, Bill. Sookie, played by Anna Paquin, was very likeable. I laughed out loud at some of the dialogue from her best friend in her interactions with people (she clearly said the things most people only think and never say out loud). I am usually a book fiend, but have never read the books this series is based on and it was fascinating to follow the back history (i.e., the invention of synthetic blood allowing vampires to live among us with no supposed threat yet ongoing suspicion and bigotry). All of this even more interesting because it is set in the South with its own long-standing history of bigotry and suspicion.

As I type all of this, I must admit I am hooked and cannot wait to see the next episode (which is only heightened by the cliffhanger of Sookie being brutally beaten at the end of the episode and curiosity over what Bill, the vampire will do when he interrupts this violence). I guess I am not so conflicted. The only true conflict I feel is over my own discomfort with the graphic violence and sex throughout the episode (although usually a common occurrence in the HBO series I have watched in the past). Sex and violence, especially together, are difficult to watch without feeling strange, even in the privacy of your own home. I feel embarrassed to feel that way, but also think that might be a good thing. I am not sure anyone should feel blasé with sex and violence.

The Zahir - Paul Coelho

So I have been trying to join a book club. There is one in my town that meets once a month on a Saturday afternoon. I finally committed to attending this month and yet I am afraid I might still have to cancel due to over-scheduling. This month’s book is The Zahir by Paul Coelho. I am not canceling because I have not read the book. I have a reading addiction actually, so I finished this weeks ago.

I have to admit that I was a bit worried about discussing this particular book at my very first ever book club meeting. I still am not sure what I think about the book. It is supposed to be a book about a pilgrimage with themes relating to obsession, loss, and love. It tells the tale of a successful novelist who appears to have lost his focus and his search for his missing wife, Esther. He cannot figure out what led to her disappearance – abduction, infidelity, etc.? She leaves no real trace other than a questionable relationship with a friend, Mikhail. The husband becomes obsessed with his loss and search for his wife, ultimately writing a famously popular book on love and questionning his life and the varous meanings of love and life.

This book is pretty far from books I usually read. I do not graviate towards spirtuality. I have been avoidant of issues related to religion and God for years thanks to my catholic upbringing. Although I love fantasy, I am pretty grounded in reality. I found it hard to identify with the wife who leaves because her life is empty of meaning. She searched through wars and far away countries to find the meaning of life and love. Ultimately, through no help from Esther, the husband finds her after his own discovery of the meaning of love and life.

I feel as if I am missing the point. Perhaps I am not bright enough to undertake such a spiritual journey. I’d like to think that my meaning of life is the connections I make with other people. That does include my constant search for connection with myself. However, “finding myself” is meaningless if it occurs without context. I want to feel connected to people, my husband, my children, my friends. Am I fooling myself?

I just realized the other book I have been trying to read, is Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, which is also one person’s spirtual journey. Perhaps I need to give myself more time and just accept my current experience of The Zahir. I suspect I might be in a state of growth and maybe in time I will understand more of its message.

Back to School Night

Back to School Night was tonight. Carlos and I left the girls with my mom and went over to the school to attend the first PTA meeting of the year and then sit in tiny little chairs in the classroom and meet Emma’s teacher. I have to say that I really like her. She is young but not too young and she appears to be confident, flexible, and energetic. Good qualities for a 2nd grade teacher. I was fairly accurate in my observation skills. She is due to have her first baby in November and will be out for at least three months. However, she appears to be a good caring teacher and Emma seems to like her so I will think positive thoughts.

The Karate Kids

Emma and Sofia started karate this month. They both seem to like it. Sofia is enthusiastic and loved by all but, as usual, is having some focusing problems. Although she often refused to dance in dance class, sometimes she dances around the karate room. Emma seems to be pretty good. She smiles throughout class and appears to be learning quickly.

The most interesting thing about the karate classes is the teacher. He happens to have taught at my high school when I was attending but he is probably most famous for an appearance on a little reality show called Survivor. Does anyone remember Bruce Kanegai from Survivor: Panama?