My biking babe

We took the girls out to ride bikes again yesterday. Emma is making amazing progress on riding without training wheels. She started the day quite wobbly but eventually had Carlos just running along the bike.

Easy Rider or How to Face your Fears

I don't recall if I have blogged at all on my husband's motorcycle. Bought a few years ago, it has pretty quickly become his favorite activity. Touring is his favorite pastime and he like to take long rides. His most recent was a long ride to Monterey for a business trip.

I am not sure how I feel about the motorcycle. Ultimately, I believe my husband is an adult and it is his right to do what pleases him. However, it does scare the crap out of me. I see many clients with horrible injuries or chronic pain thanks to a motorcycle. I do know Carlos is responsible and and he is not careless when he rides.

The fact that my husband rides a motorcycle is actually easier to live with than his interest in me riding with him.

Now riding on the back of a motorcycle is not without pleasure. It can be exhilarating to feel the speed and the wind. However, you also have NO control. You aren't driving. The only thing that keeps you on the bike is your weight and your grip. The gear is heavy and constricting. Sitting up straight feels precarious and uncomfortable yet leaning forward to grab a husband or the tank bag for security leaves your spine hunched and uncomfortable. The balance of the bike is determined by the passenger as much as the driver so you can't completely tune out. You need to lean into the pavement during turns, a very counter-intuitive movement to lean toward the ground!

Today with the girls at my parent's, we rode from Simi to Malibu, taking Topanga Canyon out and Malibu Canyon back in and then the freeways back to Simi. I felt sore at times, experienced motion-sickness in the hills, but ultimately found some peace.

I should mention I am not sure I want to get better on the bike. A part of me does it to try to spend time with my husband at something he loves and a part of me does it to confront my fears. I think facing some of my major fears is good for me and this activity challenges many of my lifelong fears: my fear of doing things when I have little or no control, my fear of crashing and burning, my fear of heights (at least on those mountain roads), my fear of relying completely on anyone but myself, and my fear of speed, to name but a few. I did not conquer these fears today but I did confront them and feel a little less afraid of them today.

Do you Remember Learning to Ride a Bike?

Emma has been working on it with a lot of help from Carlos. She is working so hard and I don't remember it being so difficult. Which makes me wonder just how accurate my memories are! I know it must have been so difficult to learn how to balance on a two-wheeler. I am so impressed with Emma for challenging her fears and working so hard every day to master the bike. I should have taken more pictures, but here is the only one I could find:

The Prodigal Husband Returns

Carlos came back today. I was looking forward to his return. For practical reasons, I can’t wait to have some help with the kids. On the other hand, I was also looking forward to some adult attention and conversation. Unfortunately, I arrive home with the girls and Carlos gives them appropriate and enthusiastic fatherly attention but seems to have little attention left for me. Some days I really miss being the center of my husband’s attention.

Life without Husband

I am trying not to feel depressed about my husband’s upcoming business trip. I should be grateful he has had less business trips this year than usual, but all I can think of is one whole week being a single mom. Carlos is off to Virginia tomorrow and won’t return until Saturday. I do think it is harder for the partner who stays than for the one who goes away. I know his trip will not be relaxing but it will involve some down time. Being a single mom means that after an exhausting day of work, you commute home only to go to two places to pick up your kids, cook dinner, supervise homework and baths, get girls to bed, and then clean up, go to bed, only to wake up and get 3 people ready for the day, drive the girls to 2 different places, and then head into work for the whole thing to start again!