Failure, Perfectionism, Life

I have been avoiding this blog for months now. I just can't seem to find a way to balance work, life, home, parenting, relationships, and personal expression. I don't understand how other people manage it all. Today, I feel life balance is an unrealistic expectation. I know with this blog I started to work on developing it into something more cohesive and i think that it just became too much for me. When my blog was just an experiment of self expression, without any deadlines or structure, I seemed to be able to fit it in somehow. Once I added weekly demands and structure, it became yet another task on my always too long "to-do" list.

I don't have the answers today and I have thought about deleting this blog and giving up. However, I just don't feel it in me today to give up. I doubt that anyone is reading my ramblings or has even noticed my absence, but I plan to go back to posting about my life as it happens. You might see some posts every week, but I have no plans to make myself blog unless I feel like blogging about something.

While I am being honest, I have had some really horrible experiences this year. I am not sure whether I will ever blog about any of them, but I have learned that it is hard to express yourself or relate to people when there is so much inside you that you don't feel you can share. Too much pain, sadness, fear, worry...

I started out this year with a goal of gratitude. I still think that is an important pursuit, but I suspect the rest of the year is going to be more of an exercise in honesty.