Life with the Strong-Willed Child

I realized this week that I only have one major thought when picking up Sofia from day-care. Sadly, it is not, "I can't wait to see my darling," or "What wonderful thing did my angel do today?' Instead, it is, "Okay what kind of trouble did she have today and will the teacher look at me with that look and sad nod?" I haven't felt this way in a while. I did feel this way when she went to Pinecrest during the toileting troubles. I eventually realized that Pinecrest had unrealistic rules about toilet-training and crappy teachers who were vilifying me and my child. We moved Sofia to her current placement and overall, we have both been happier.

However, I find those stressful thoughts and feelings returning and I am unsure what to do. Basically, Sofia is now 4. They expect her to listen and follow directions. Sofia does not agree. She would rather do what she wants to do. I don't blame her. It seems to me that most 4-year-olds would want to do that. However, how come it seems like the other children don't seem to have the same problems? A part of me feels like the world has unrealistic expectations for all children due to pressure to educate. Am I the unrealistic one?

Sofia does not have any problems academically. I hear she helps her peers most days. Unfortunately, she does like to climb the bookshelves or the fences. I am just not sure what to do. I want to believe she will mature and grow out of this. I think I struggle with this because I never had problems like this as a child. I was afraid to disobey. I was a follower not a leader. I kind of want Sofia to be a leader and I admire her strength and obstinence. BUT, I am tired of feeling condemnation by teachers. Not enough to really want Sofia to change however.