Just Relaxing by the Pool

Well, so far have done little more than relax and eat. I have spent many hours next to the pool listening to books on my phone. I don’t feel guilty at all. Working to have fun on your vacation is highly over-rated!

Cruising...

Well, we leave on our cruise today. Carlos and I have our anniversary this week. Every year my goal is to schedule some getaway with my husband without kids (although I love my girls I value some adult time with my husband now and then). Every year I start to plan something early in the year that will be exciting and yet affordable. Every year I have a difficult time. This year was no exception. With no extra money at all, I finally realized that the only affordable alternative was the Baja cruise yet again. Therefore, that is why we are going on another 5-day cruise to Ensenada this week. Now don’t get me wrong, I actually kind of like this cruise. It is cheap and local. After we drive to the port, we just spend the next 5 days enjoying ourselves with no major decisions and no driving and all meals included.

Anyway, even though I have been on this cruise many times, I am so excited to spend the next 5 days relaxing with my husband.

More TrueBlood

I am wanting to dislike this show. I already have too many shows I am slightly addicted to and feel the need to DVR on a regular basis. The summer always frees up some of my time and helps my separate a bit from my obsessions so I don't spend so much time watching television after the kids go to sleep. However, episode 2 and I still find myself sucked in!

Again, some of the visuals were kind of graphic for me (I mean they grossed me out!). I had no need to watch anyone actually drink blood or lick an open head wound. However, I find myself being sucked into the courtship of Sookie and Bill. I also find myself interested in the supporting characters too. Does anyone fear for Sookie's brother's life while he is tied to the bed and his lover is at work? I am also wondering about the cliffhanger and the scenes from next episode. Bill seems more like a loaner than a guy with a bunch of crazy vampire friends. So who are his house guests and why is Sookie always being attacked?

Can pregnancy and motherhood make us smarter?

I just received my latest APA Monitor in the mail, which is the monthly publication all members of the American Psychological Association receive. The cover actually excited me with the big headline: The Pregnant Brain: How Pregnancy And Motherhood Change A Woman’s Brain—For Good. We have been hearing about studies related to this for several years now, but it was nice to have validation on the deficits I noticed during pregnancy and beyond and receive some hope that motherhood has other advantages than the more obvious ones.

Basically, multiple research studies document the fact that most women experience cognitive deficits during pregnancy. Studies confirm that women perform worse on memory tasks and other cognitive abilities. In fact, the most fascinating confirmation of “baby brain” was found in a study by Oat ridge et. al. in the January 2002 American Journal of Neuroradiology showing that that women’s brain volume diminished by about 4 percent during pregnancy and returning to normal after delivery!

The Monitor summarized other research showing most of these deficits appear to reverse after pregnancy and nursing. Research also speculates that these changes may serve as a means to allow mothers to eventually exhibit improved cognitive functions. There has even been research to show that mothers exhibit improved cognitive functioning and less memory decline than individuals who have never given birth (well, so far at least in rats).

So being pregnant may make you stupid, but it will go away once the baby is born and this process may help you become smarter into your old age.

Everyone Loves a Parade

My daughters and I marched the Simi Valley Days Parade for the second time today. Well I had the opportunity to walk the parade route and hand out flyers while my daughters were supposed to ride the YMCA Adventure Guide float. We did the parade last year and it was fun but I also had to walk last year and push a stroller as they would not let my youngest on the float.

This year I was excited for my youngest as she was old enough to ride the float this year. Alas, she was kicked off the float before the parade even started. Now Sofia is only 4 years old and her focusing and patience are still in development. The float nazi kicked her off because she would not stay seated. She ended up walking the entire parade route passing out flyers for the YMCA and charming everyone. I think the YMCA should pay her for marketing!

After the fact, I realized I should have challenged the judgment. We were told to arrive at the parade and float at 7 am. The kids were allowed on the float around 7:15 and were told to sit on the hay bales. Then we waited and waited and waited. The parade did not start until 9 am!!! And we were #64 in the line-up which means our float did not start moving until after 9:30! Who expects any child to sit on hay for over 2 hours on a non-moving float?? Initially, I was just frustrated because Sofia does have spotty attention. However, eventually I realized it was unfair to expect anyone to sit for hours on hay.

In spite of my grumpiness about this one fact, we all had a great time. I wore my running shoes this year and I had no pain or blisters at all.

True Blood

I watched the first episode of Trueblood last night on HBO. HBO already has a pretty good reputation for compelling television series and I have to admit like a lot of people I seem to be a sucker (no pun intended) for a good vampire story. I am not sure why we are so intrigued by a vampire tale. I know mine dates back to Anne Rice and her vampire series (thanks to my friend Erica who started that particular addiction). I recently read the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer. So when I heard HBO had a new vampire series, I set it up to record on the DVR. My addiction to the DVR should be a good blog post in itself!

Once again, I feel conflicted over my review. I must admit it was a seductive pleasure. The story and characters were compelling, even the tiny glimpses of the lead vampire, Bill. Sookie, played by Anna Paquin, was very likeable. I laughed out loud at some of the dialogue from her best friend in her interactions with people (she clearly said the things most people only think and never say out loud). I am usually a book fiend, but have never read the books this series is based on and it was fascinating to follow the back history (i.e., the invention of synthetic blood allowing vampires to live among us with no supposed threat yet ongoing suspicion and bigotry). All of this even more interesting because it is set in the South with its own long-standing history of bigotry and suspicion.

As I type all of this, I must admit I am hooked and cannot wait to see the next episode (which is only heightened by the cliffhanger of Sookie being brutally beaten at the end of the episode and curiosity over what Bill, the vampire will do when he interrupts this violence). I guess I am not so conflicted. The only true conflict I feel is over my own discomfort with the graphic violence and sex throughout the episode (although usually a common occurrence in the HBO series I have watched in the past). Sex and violence, especially together, are difficult to watch without feeling strange, even in the privacy of your own home. I feel embarrassed to feel that way, but also think that might be a good thing. I am not sure anyone should feel blasé with sex and violence.

The Zahir - Paul Coelho

So I have been trying to join a book club. There is one in my town that meets once a month on a Saturday afternoon. I finally committed to attending this month and yet I am afraid I might still have to cancel due to over-scheduling. This month’s book is The Zahir by Paul Coelho. I am not canceling because I have not read the book. I have a reading addiction actually, so I finished this weeks ago.

I have to admit that I was a bit worried about discussing this particular book at my very first ever book club meeting. I still am not sure what I think about the book. It is supposed to be a book about a pilgrimage with themes relating to obsession, loss, and love. It tells the tale of a successful novelist who appears to have lost his focus and his search for his missing wife, Esther. He cannot figure out what led to her disappearance – abduction, infidelity, etc.? She leaves no real trace other than a questionable relationship with a friend, Mikhail. The husband becomes obsessed with his loss and search for his wife, ultimately writing a famously popular book on love and questionning his life and the varous meanings of love and life.

This book is pretty far from books I usually read. I do not graviate towards spirtuality. I have been avoidant of issues related to religion and God for years thanks to my catholic upbringing. Although I love fantasy, I am pretty grounded in reality. I found it hard to identify with the wife who leaves because her life is empty of meaning. She searched through wars and far away countries to find the meaning of life and love. Ultimately, through no help from Esther, the husband finds her after his own discovery of the meaning of love and life.

I feel as if I am missing the point. Perhaps I am not bright enough to undertake such a spiritual journey. I’d like to think that my meaning of life is the connections I make with other people. That does include my constant search for connection with myself. However, “finding myself” is meaningless if it occurs without context. I want to feel connected to people, my husband, my children, my friends. Am I fooling myself?

I just realized the other book I have been trying to read, is Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, which is also one person’s spirtual journey. Perhaps I need to give myself more time and just accept my current experience of The Zahir. I suspect I might be in a state of growth and maybe in time I will understand more of its message.

Back to School Night

Back to School Night was tonight. Carlos and I left the girls with my mom and went over to the school to attend the first PTA meeting of the year and then sit in tiny little chairs in the classroom and meet Emma’s teacher. I have to say that I really like her. She is young but not too young and she appears to be confident, flexible, and energetic. Good qualities for a 2nd grade teacher. I was fairly accurate in my observation skills. She is due to have her first baby in November and will be out for at least three months. However, she appears to be a good caring teacher and Emma seems to like her so I will think positive thoughts.

The Karate Kids

Emma and Sofia started karate this month. They both seem to like it. Sofia is enthusiastic and loved by all but, as usual, is having some focusing problems. Although she often refused to dance in dance class, sometimes she dances around the karate room. Emma seems to be pretty good. She smiles throughout class and appears to be learning quickly.

The most interesting thing about the karate classes is the teacher. He happens to have taught at my high school when I was attending but he is probably most famous for an appearance on a little reality show called Survivor. Does anyone remember Bruce Kanegai from Survivor: Panama?

Emma starts 2nd Grade

We took Emma to her first day of 2nd grade. She was so excited and looked so grown up. Her teacher is Mrs. Luchansky and she seems very nice but also quite a bit pregnant. I suspect she is due before the Christmas holidays. I can't believe I have a daughter in 2nd grade.

Emma turns seven!

My first baby girl turned seven today! I cannot believe I have a seven-year-old. We celebrated with a small birthday party. Emma had become obsessed with Hannah Montana and Camp Rock over the summer so of course she had requested a Hannah Montana party. The girls made bracelets, put on fake tattoos, and did karaoke to Hannah Montana and Miley Cyrus tunes. We also did a huge Hannah Montana piñata (as I could not find a smaller one). Finally, we had cake and ice cream and then everyone went home.

I was actually proud of myself. Celebrations and parties are always challenges for me. They stimulate my perfectionism. I usually obsess over the details and spend weeks planning for the “perfect” party. A few years ago, I realized this had to stop. It was not healthy for me and it was not a good habit I wanted to pass on to my daughters. My journey to reduce my perfectionism may make a great anecdote when I am leading a group of patients and encouraging them to do less and live better, but it was not pretty to realize that I had not enjoyed any of my daughters’ birthdays because I was too focused on achieving the perfect party!

For this party, I worked very hard on making it simple. I borrowed a karaoke system from a friend. I ordered the cake from Albertson’s and Emma loved it because it had Hannah Montana on it. I bought some munchies and drinks at the store that morning rather then cooking all kinds of treats. I already had the jewelry craft and the temporary tattoos left from a YMCA meeting that changed at the last minute. The girls had a great time and for once, so did I! I was able to enjoy the party and avoid being stressed.

Late for Work Again

So I found myself hitting the snooze button this morning. I can't seem to get enough sleep. Alas, those extra 15 minutes did not seem to make much difference in my energy. Anyway, I rush to get everyone ready only to realize I still need to tidy the house in the hopes that the housecleaners will come today. Then I rush to the car only to remember my gas tank is on empty. So that explains why I arrive at work 20 minutes late and already feeling exhausted although the day has hardly started!

Magic Mountain

Well I realized last week that Emma had earned a free ticket to Six Flags Magic Mountain with her reading during first grade. However, I finally read the actual ticket and noticed it expired Saturday. So I decided it was time for the family to make the trip there and saturday was the only day that worked with our schedules and yesterday, we trekked to Magic Mountain.

On the "up" side, the girls had a blast. They enjoyed every minute, even the long lines. And the lines were not that long considering it was a Saturday during the height of summer. They met Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck. Emma went on her first major roller coaster, Ninja.

On the "down" side, the weather was hot and humid, the food was terrible and over-priced, and there were a lot of rides the girls were still too young to go on. For me, there were a lot of rides that Emma could go on, but Sofia could not. That meant someone had to entertain Sofia for an hour or more while Emma went on the ride. We took turns, but it was still a bit taxing in the heat.


Overall, I don't think we will visit again until the girls are older and even then I would still rather go to Disneyland being the Disney freak that I am.

Cindy is gone

Okay, I just learned that Cindy did pass away today. How strange to hear that news while you are with your family at an amusement park? I wish my mom had not left that info on my voicemail. I can't even think of what else to write. She was a sweet loving sad woman who never really saw any of that in herself.

Okay, I just tried to find a picture of Cindy to add to my post and could find none. How is it that you can know someone for 10 to 15 years and have no pictures to mark their existence?

Feeling Sad

I learned that one of my extended family members is in the hospital and is likely to die. Details are sparse, but it is clear her medical problems are the end result of a life-long battle with anorexia. She is only one year older than I am and has a teenage daughter. I feel pretty helpless and sad. Although she has never asked for help and has been in treatment over the years, I still am fighting feelings of guilt. I know you can not help someone unless they want help and my role with her is family not psychologist. But when you spend many years as a psychologist working with individuals with eating disorders, it is hard not to feel like there must have been something you could do.