Why Don't We Accept the Answer, "No?"

I have been thinking about how difficult it is to say, “No.” I am fully aware that it is my responsibility to exercise this right and responsibility. I need to be constantly aware of my own limitations and boundaries and to refuse to take on new responsibilities as they are offered. I do not abdicate my responsibility in this. Do you hear a BUT coming on?

However, I noticed today that the world is filled with people who somehow seem to assume that when a person responds, ‘No!” to a question, they are merely waiting for someone to coax them into an affirmative response. Has this ever happed to you? My epiphany today occurred as I was making copies in the copy-room, which is of course the unofficial meeting place for my office. One of the nurses comes into the room to ask if anyone would like to adopt a cat. The room erupts with people denying interest in the cat. Instead of the conversation ending, one of the nay-sayers seeks to poll the room to find someone else to adopt this cat. I say clearly that I am not interested in another cat. I then spend the next 5 minutes being browbeaten by my co-workers as to why I should adopt this cat. “Your other cat is lonely.” “He clearly is missing other cats.” I waste my time responding to their inquiries and strong suggestions, even though I have already stated I do not want another cat and that I feel overwhelmed with the cat that I do have. Eventually, I leave the room, which is kind of silly since I was the only one in need of the copier at the moment.

I have some suspicions as to why people do not respect a negative answer. In this case, interestingly enough, the person who initiated the query respected my negative response. It was the other targets of the question who threw me, “under the bus.” I suspect many people do this to feel better about their own guilt over saying, “No.” I am not trying to be a mind-reader. I guess I just wanted to remind people that it is cool to respect your friends, co-workers, or even strangers, by allowing them to make their own decisions and to avoid questioning any decisions. Everyone has a right and a responsibility to say, “No,” when they need to but let’s try not to make this even harder for people by forcing then to defend their choices.