This Should Be...School Behavior, Reward Charting, and General Confusion, Part 2!!!

After blogging the other day about my youngest and my struggles to figure out how to help her navigate the school system and follow the rules in kindergarten, I also had to opportunity to discuss this with a friend of mind and I realized another larger problem I face.  I wonder how to name this dilemma. It feels so huge and such a huge part of many of my parental conflicts.  This is the big question I face almost daily.  Do I raise my kids to embrace the values I have used to guide my life and the values that the majority of our society and culture embraces or do I raise my kids to embrace the values I am working on developing that seem more conducive to happiness and a better balanced life?  I think most days I lean toward the later, however, this is one of those things that is much more difficult to do than to talk about.
 
In reflection, I could probably mine this topic for a lifetime of blog posts.  However, my discussion with my friend last night made me realize that most of the time I think my youngest is pretty amazing.  I really do not want to mess her up!  Deep down I think that most children are pretty good at living in the moment and enjoying life and then society takes them in hand and in the interest of education and the belief that we need to guide children in learning how to follow the expected rules, we crush their healthy little spirits and turn them into achievement driven unhappy adults.
 
I also think that the push to make our children learn more and do more at an early age does not seem to be working.  The generations after mine do not seem that much smarter, more successful, and certainly not any happier than my cohorts.  America does not seem to be developing in a positive way in any area from my own observations, and I am not blaming any generation for that fact, just noting that our pressure to educate and mold the children of America does not seem to be benefiting the children themselves or our society in any way that I can see.
 
Unfortunately, I was raised to be the ever-obedient, overachieving, good student and citizen, and every day I fight the urge to value achievement and productivity over intrinsic values like family, love, happiness, pleasure, and so on.  So there is a strong part of me that expects my children to excel in the school system.  I want my children to have the good grades, the good behavior reports, the fancy certificates, the praise from the teacher, etc.  Therefore, I feel like a bad mom when the notes come home from the teacher or the report card grades are not "straight A's."  As I write this I feel sort of sickened to find this is so important to me.  On the other hand, I clearly see teachers, professionals, and other parents, who would gladly judge me and hold me out as a terrible mother if I stopped encouraging my children to excel.
 
It seems pretty clear to me that the American school system promotes unhealthy learning habits for children, but I also feel hopeless at times on how to navigate the system.  Why do five- and six-year-olds have daily homework when there brains and bodies would be better served by playing?  Why do I hear of elementary school children falling asleep during homework?  Why is my child able to complete all of her school work in 30 minutes, but is criticized daily in a socially-acceptable way (behavior chart) because she would rather do what she wants to do rather than follow the kindergarten schedule?  However, even if there were a good way to opt out of this school system, will my children be at a disadvantage?  And if so, in which way?  Is it my responsibility to see my children can follow the demands of the society we currently live in, even if most people seem pretty miserable living by these demands?  I run into people daily who spend more time
living up to the demands of others than they do to their own needs.  I have spent most of my career teaching people to actually care for themselves in some way.  Why does our country excel in creating human beings who value success and productivity over meeting their own basic human needs?
 
Okay, I feel myself getting too philosophical in this blog post, and think it is time to end this and send it out into the universe.  I hope it makes some people think about ways we can reshape the world and the American school system.  For me, at least it helps to remind me that although a part of me wants my children to excel at everything, I should spend more time thinking about the lessons I really believe my child should be learning and finding ways to cultivate those lessons rather than just letting society and the school system override the lessons I have learned over my entire life.