The Mental Mom

Our Visit To Bay Wolf Restaurant. Oakland

2010-08-09T11:28:00.001-07:00

Some meals are so delicious or so surprising you want to share them with everyone. Since I can't share my previously eaten dinner, I thought about posting a Restaurant Review. We are spending a long weekend in Oakland with my lovely sister-in-law and her equally lovely husband who have lived in the bay area for over 20 years. We try to come up here at least once a year but never come as often as we would like. Northern California and especially the bay area are so seductive. I can see why people move here: the food, the cool weather, the cosmopolitan and somehow European feel, the beatiful old houses instead of mass housing developments, the food. Hmm, did I say that one twice? Yes, the food! Last night my sister-in-law tells my husband to take me out to dinner while they watch our girls. We pour thru food magazines and see tons of interesting restaurants and my sister-in-law proceeds to share even more suggestions, some a bit farther afield in neighboring areas, but still
very many in a short drive here in Oakland. Amazing to have so many tasty choices, not a one a mass homogenized chain reataurant! (Have I blogged yet about the dismal crappy food options in my little hometown of Simi?) My sister-in-law even called around and found us a last minute reservation! My only regret was that a number of places that sounded delicious were closed on Sundays and out of the running.

Eventually, on the advice of my sister-in-law, we settled on Bay Wolf, right here in Oakland, with a reservation within 30 minutes. We arrived almost on time (with a bit of a delay for us spoiled So Cal residents as we searched for a parking spot on the street). The restaurant was sort of unassuming with a neat covered patio as you enter, almost fully enclosed, and a more traditional space behind. We opted for inside since it was stinking cold tonight! They led us immediately to a small table for 2 in the corner, which sounds kind of cramped but was actually pretty nice (fairly quiet and private and plenty of room for 2). The service was prompt and I never waited long for a water refill or for anything.

The menu selection was seasonal and limited, but I had some difficulty deciding what to order which is always a good sign. They have some appetizers but also some dishes that can be ordered as a small plate or a dinner portion.

We settled on the Early Girl and shell bean salad with arugula, manchego cheese and basil vinaigrette for my starter and my husband ordered the Duck liver flan with grilled Acme bread, cornichons and and olives. I must say I love me some duck liver and the flan was delish and not flan-like (which was good because I pictured me some duck liver egg custard). It was smooth, creamy and full of flavor with some lovely peppercorns for some spice. It came the the olives and cornichons and also some red pickled onions (I think they were pickled). The Acme toast was wonderful too and perfect for spreading with liver. The real surprise was the salad, however. I am not a big veggie person although I was in the mood for salad tonight, BUT this salad was delicious and I wanted to lick the plate the basil vinaigrette was so scrumptious. The tomatoes were fresh and flavorful. The greens were tasty. The beans and the manchego cheese. Wow it all just came together beautifully that it was on
e amazing salad. (I have to add that my other observation was that this was the first meal with my husband where I thought both of our dishes were the best. I am usually pretty judgemental and leave the restairant thinking my dish was better than yours or his dish was way better than mine!)

For our main courses, I chose the Goat cheese-stuffed peppers with black beans and rice, avocado and salsa fresca and my hsuband went with the Slow-cooked coriander-scented pork roast with grilled escarole and sherry. I thought the peppers were spicy and delicious which is pretty high praise considering I don't really like goat cheese! They were packed with flavor. I just wished they had more of an acid component and think if they had put more salsa fresca on the plate it would have been perfect. My husband loved his pork and said it was cooked perfectly. I thought it was flavorful and very tender for a big slice of pork.

We were both stuffed and decided we would only get dessert if something on the dessert menu thrilled us so we did order the Bittersweet chocolate soufflé cake with Earl Grey crème anglaise and chocolate sauce. Unfortunately, I wish we had passed. Frankly, something with souffle in the title should be warm and lovely and fluffy, but what showed up was a very nice flourless cake. I am over flourless cakes. I did not feel this dessert was worth the calories I ingested or the exercise I will have to do to work it off!

However, the rest of the meal was fabulous and I would highly recommend Bay Wolf to anyone near Oakland. You can check out there website at: http://www.baywolf.com

This Should Be...School Behavior, Reward Charting, and General Confusion, Part 2!!!

2010-05-06T09:20:00.001-07:00

After blogging the other day about my youngest and my struggles to figure out how to help her navigate the school system and follow the rules in kindergarten, I also had to opportunity to discuss this with a friend of mind and I realized another larger problem I face. I wonder how to name this dilemma. It feels so huge and such a huge part of many of my parental conflicts. This is the big question I face almost daily. Do I raise my kids to embrace the values I have used to guide my life and the values that the majority of our society and culture embraces or do I raise my kids to embrace the values I am working on developing that seem more conducive to happiness and a better balanced life? I think most days I lean toward the later, however, this is one of those things that is much more difficult to do than to talk about.

In reflection, I could probably mine this topic for a lifetime of blog posts. However, my discussion with my friend last night made me realize that most of the time I think my youngest is pretty amazing. I really do not want to mess her up! Deep down I think that most children are pretty good at living in the moment and enjoying life and then society takes them in hand and in the interest of education and the belief that we need to guide children in learning how to follow the expected rules, we crush their healthy little spirits and turn them into achievement driven unhappy adults.

I also think that the push to make our children learn more and do more at an early age does not seem to be working. The generations after mine do not seem that much smarter, more successful, and certainly not any happier than my cohorts. America does not seem to be developing in a positive way in any area from my own observations, and I am not blaming any generation for that fact, just noting that our pressure to educate and mold the children of America does not seem to be benefiting the children themselves or our society in any way that I can see.

Unfortunately, I was raised to be the ever-obedient, overachieving, good student and citizen, and every day I fight the urge to value achievement and productivity over intrinsic values like family, love, happiness, pleasure, and so on. So there is a strong part of me that expects my children to excel in the school system. I want my children to have the good grades, the good behavior reports, the fancy certificates, the praise from the teacher, etc. Therefore, I feel like a bad mom when the notes come home from the teacher or the report card grades are not "straight A's." As I write this I feel sort of sickened to find this is so important to me. On the other hand, I clearly see teachers, professionals, and other parents, who would gladly judge me and hold me out as a terrible mother if I stopped encouraging my children to excel.

It seems pretty clear to me that the American school system promotes unhealthy learning habits for children, but I also feel hopeless at times on how to navigate the system. Why do five- and six-year-olds have daily homework when there brains and bodies would be better served by playing? Why do I hear of elementary school children falling asleep during homework? Why is my child able to complete all of her school work in 30 minutes, but is criticized daily in a socially-acceptable way (behavior chart) because she would rather do what she wants to do rather than follow the kindergarten schedule? However, even if there were a good way to opt out of this school system, will my children be at a disadvantage? And if so, in which way? Is it my responsibility to see my children can follow the demands of the society we currently live in, even if most people seem pretty miserable living by these demands? I run into people daily who spend more time
living up to the demands of others than they do to their own needs. I have spent most of my career teaching people to actually care for themselves in some way. Why does our country excel in creating human beings who value success and productivity over meeting their own basic human needs?

Okay, I feel myself getting too philosophical in this blog post, and think it is time to end this and send it out into the universe. I hope it makes some people think about ways we can reshape the world and the American school system. For me, at least it helps to remind me that although a part of me wants my children to excel at everything, I should spend more time thinking about the lessons I really believe my child should be learning and finding ways to cultivate those lessons rather than just letting society and the school system override the lessons I have learned over my entire life.

School Behavior, Reward Charting, and General Confusion!!

2010-05-05T10:02:00.001-07:00

I have two beautiful daughters, age 8 and 6. School has always been a bit of a challenge for me due to their unique skills and abilities and my status as a full-time working mom. (Let's not even talk about my positive history for perfectionism and overachievement in schoolwork). My most recent challenge has been to survive my youngest daughter's entrance into kindergarten. I don't think I am exaggerating when I say my girl is smart. She is very smart, reading well before start of kindergarten. She is pretty outgoing and sweet too.

HOWEVER, she does seem to have a lot of difficulty with sitting down, following rules, and focusing on what the teacher thinks is important. Now, these problems have been around since before kindergarten. In preschool, we had a fabulous teacher who loved and appreciated Sofia, but also worked with her to help keep her on track. I suspect I might have a few blog posts on her preschool days. I remember walking in to preschool and feeling oh so frustrated after getting the "What am I going to so with Sofia?" head shake.

I still believe that children develop at different rates in all areas. I hope that in time Sofia's weak areas will develop and even out in comparison to her strong ones. However, the school system does not seem to share my vision on child development (and at times, i do believe that the school system seems not to care much about any well-documented child development beliefs). I want to say here that this is no reflection on my daughter's teacher. I do feel that Sofia's teacher does have to put in way more effort to keep her on task in addition to her primary job of teaching 24 kindergarten students.

Okay, so this is not entirely a venting session. It is actually a bid for help! I suppose in the perfect world I would have blogged for years about Sofia's development, her successes, and her challenges in school. But get real, I barely have to time to keep up with the minimum here people!

The issue today is my most recent behavior note I received from the teacher. We have tried a simple smiley face/frowney face chart, a red/yellow/green light system, and our newest behavioral system developed by the teacher. The teacher rates Sofia on 3 global behaviors: following directions, completing work, and focusing/listening. Sofia's day is broken into 5 time frames with a rating for each behavior 5 times per day. So basically she has 15 boxes to be rated as smiley or frowny. Since this chart system started, we have had good days and bad days and I can find little pattern to the madness. I have not found any link between better days/worse days and sleep, food, encouragement, etc. She did do better the one day I took off work and sat with her all day (but then I did what I do at home for homework and sat right next to her and basically redirected her as soon as she wandered off).

Anyway, enough with the context! I just wanted to share one of my recent behavior charts. Sofia received 15 frowney faces! Fifteen! The comments from the teacher were the following: "Sofia had a difficult day today. I repeatedly asked her to finish her work but she continued to be unfocused and pay around. After lunch I sent her to the office to finish her work. Amazingly she finished all her work for the day in 30-45 minutes." So...what the he** does this mean?

With my training and work history, I have long pondered the diagnosis of ADHD. I would say both my children show signs of attention problems. Do the meet the diagnostic criteria for ADHD? I don't think so and frankly the diagnostic criteria for ADHD is pretty vague anyway. Sofia has always had difficulty focusing. Her problem seems to be that she wants to focus on what she finds interesting or important to the exclusion of anything else.

I fully understand why it might be hard to focus on your work with a classroom full of interesting things and people. I find it shocking more children don't have this problem in kindergarten. And I could see a child being able to focus in the school office which is probably quieter than the classroom. But the fact that she does the entire days school work in 30-45 minutes without supervision sort of stumps me.

No matter how hard I try to set better realistic goals for myself as a person and a mother, this still bugs the crap out of me. I hate not knowing how to handle things or feeling like everything you try does not seem to make a difference. I want to be the kind of person who just enjoys the moment, but I was raised to be an overachiever who craves perfection and reward for good behavior. I have always been a person filled with contradictions. I hate that stupid word balance. BUT, how do you balance the need for your child to learn to follow rules and achieve because the world does value and judge you on those variables with the need to appreciate the unique and wonderful person you already are (great for happiness but may or may not lead to school or career success).

Okay, input appreciated now that I have rambled on with some of my thoughts. Any comments appreciated below!!

Carpool Craziness

2010-02-03T09:26:00.001-08:00

My children go to a public school. However, it is a special public school where parents had to submit their child's name to a lottery prior to kindergarten to gain entry. Hence, almost none of the children live in the school neighborhood. So far, we love the school and find that both girls are receiving a great education and many additional extracurricular activities they might not have found at our neighborhood school.

One of the huge drawbacks to our school, are the parking and drop off/pick up situations. Typical to most local elementary schools, the parking lot barely provides spots for the teachers and staff. Since almost every child has to be transported via vehicle to the school every morning, drop off is a zoo. The school tries to minimize the whole operation, but somehow every morning I have to practice anger management to survive the whole process and make it in to work on time.

Today, my coping method of choice will be to bitch copiously. Frankly, I am tired of being the rational parent who follows the rules when I just feel like screaming. Remember, my oldest is in 3rd grade, so this is year 4 of the daily debacle. I can not comprehend why parents can not follow the simple drop off procedure. They actually have three separate drop-off zones. Drive into the drop off area and pull as far forward as possible, shove your kid out of the car, and move on once safe and the car in front of you leaves, right?

Alas, the idiots at my school can't seem to do any of this. We have the parents who just pull in, park their car, and exit the vehicle to actually walk their kid to class, leaving their huge SUV sitting in the middle of the too small drop off zone. (…and I do not care if you have a child too young to walk alone to their class. If this is you, go park your darn car on the street like you are supposed to and then walk your child to class!) We have the parents who pull in, but still exit their car and help children out of vehicle or take things from the trunk, or stand and have long conversations with their children in the drop off zone. My favorite today was the dad who actually dropped off his two children in a timely fashion and actually stayed in his vehicle, only to then slowly inch by inch follow his kids as they slowly walked toward the school entrance, while the rest of us were unable to drop off our children because we were stuck behind him as he slooowly moved. I know I sound like a cranky bitch but I have years of anger here to let out.

I could go on and on complaining about the traffic jam of trying to exit the school with drop off zones full of idiot parents who can't follow rules on 3 sides of the campus, the parents who illegally double park or create parking spaces to suit their needs, or the parents making illegal turns and maneuvers to secure what is best for their family everyone else be damned.

Actually, I do spend way too much time contemplating why this happens every morning over and over again. Do you think these parents really don't understand the rules? I don't think so myself. Do you think they feel that the needs of others are less important than their own? Now, this I am more inclined to believe. Is this yet another situation where people think they are raising kids with good self esteem, but actually are just teaching their kids that the rights of one outweigh the rights of others? I suspect there might be some other explanations. Do you have one?

Birthdays, Perfectionism, Reality Check

2010-01-27T15:39:00.001-08:00

So I have had birthday parties on my brain of late. I find birthdays (at least for my kids) inherently stressful. Birthdays, or at least the planning thereof, stress me out. I do enjoy entertaining, but my resting level of perfectionism, combined with anxiety related to planning an event whereby others may judge me, combined with the anxiety of wanting my child to have a wonderful and memorable birthday, usually yields crazy-making levels of stress.

Sofia turns 6 in April. For some reason, my lovely baby girl number two has not benefited much from my birthday anxiety. (Emma, the first-born, has had some memorable although crazed-mama parties.) Sofia had the big "Baby Turns One" party, of course, but I doubt she remembers that event. I think I convinced her a trip to Disneyland would be a good way to celebrate a birthday or two to avoid the whole party planning craziness. Of course, if mom also gets a trip to Disneyland in the process, who am I to mind? The end result of this haphazard party planning is that my guilt over doing less than my first-born means I worry way too much over every successive birthday.

I just realized that Sofia's 6^th birthday will occur during Spring Break and a previously scheduled trip. I figured out I'd have to actually have her birthday celebration at least the week before our trip and that is in March, exactly two months away and clearly into the "planning window." Now for me, two months before the actual event seems like it would be sufficient to plan an actual party. Somehow I use this timeline every year. Yet, every year I am reminded that I must be radically different from other moms in my area. (You think with all of the data I process on a regular basis confirming this fact, I would just accept this, but alas I still find it mind-boggling.)

Sofia mentioned a gymnastic party. Unfortunately, the gym I used for one of Emma's party's closed over a year ago. Today, 2 months before the date, I called the other gym in town to find my prospective date booked, as well as the week before and the week after. How do these moms do it? Do they really manage parenting, work, home, marriage, health, etc., etc., etc. and find time to book their kid's parties more than 2 months in advance? I think this happens to me at least once a year with each child, which may also be why we tend to have a lot of parties at home.

I do dream of having the "outside the home" birthday party every year. You know, the fantasy of planning a party for your child where they have a fabulous time and you do nothing? Perhaps snap a few pictures, and bask in the glory of the perfect party? Somehow I have never achieved that goal. Even when I have attempted such a feat, I mess it up by adding on some drama and craziness. Remember the previously-mentioned gym party for my older daughter? Just show up with a cake and snacks and they do the rest? I invited everyone and even more guests to the house after for a huge BBQ. Actually, I think that was the only time I ever had a chance at a work-free or work-limited party. The only other time we had a party away from home was a party in August in the park. Emma had a great time, but carting party stuff to the hot park was a stupid stupid idea (especially when we had a pool at home and could have been swimming rather than sweating).

Okay, I have meandered around in this post and really am not sure what has been resolved at this point. I know I should KISS or Keep It Simple Stupid. I should come up with an easy way to celebrate my daughter and help her feel special and enjoy her family and friends. I know I usually make it much harder than I have to. I have learned that no matter how much I worry over tiny details and party faux pas, my daughters have rarely noticed. I know no matter how much I aspire to be on top of the details in my life, like birthdays and parties, I should just be happy with the details I do stay on top of which I know I must have some, right? Okay, clearly still not resolved about anything as yet. What about you? Are you happy with your party planning solutions? Do you have any suggestions on the best way to celebrate birthdays for kids?

Failure, Perfectionism, Life

2009-09-11T14:52:00.001-07:00

I have been avoiding this blog for months now. I just can't seem to find a way to balance work, life, home, parenting, relationships, and personal expression. I don't understand how other people manage it all. Today, I feel life balance is an unrealistic expectation. I know with this blog I started to work on developing it into something more cohesive and i think that it just became too much for me. When my blog was just an experiment of self expression, without any deadlines or structure, I seemed to be able to fit it in somehow. Once I added weekly demands and structure, it became yet another task on my always too long "to-do" list.

I don't have the answers today and I have thought about deleting this blog and giving up. However, I just don't feel it in me today to give up. I doubt that anyone is reading my ramblings or has even noticed my absence, but I plan to go back to posting about my life as it happens. You might see some posts every week, but I have no plans to make myself blog unless I feel like blogging about something.

While I am being honest, I have had some really horrible experiences this year. I am not sure whether I will ever blog about any of them, but I have learned that it is hard to express yourself or relate to people when there is so much inside you that you don't feel you can share. Too much pain, sadness, fear, worry...

I started out this year with a goal of gratitude. I still think that is an important pursuit, but I suspect the rest of the year is going to be more of an exercise in honesty.

Manic Mondays - Some General Life Lessons to Enjoy Life and Do Less!

2009-04-06T09:17:00.000-07:00

Manic Mondays are all about slowing down and enjoying your life. This week I found some words of wisdom from another chain letter. I hate the crap that proliferates my email in-box, but every now and then, I find some of it holds some good reminders of how to live better. This gem arrived from a new-old friend rediscovered thanks to Facebook, Veronica. Here are some good life suggestions that arrived in my inbox today direct from her:

1 . Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Talk to the angels/god/goddesses/buddha/allah/the sky, about what is going on in your life. Buy a lock if you have to.

3. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, 'My purpose is to__________ today. I am thankful for______________'

4. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

5. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.

6. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

7. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

8. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.

9. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

10. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

11. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

12. You are not so important that you have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

13. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

14. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

15. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

16. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: “In five years, will this matter?”

17. Forgive everyone for everything.

18. What other people think of you is none of your business.

19. Time heals everything - but you may have to ask a power greater than yourself to help.

20. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

21. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch!!

22. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

23. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: I am thankful for__________. Today I accomplished_________.

24. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

25. When you are feeling down, start listing your many blessings. You'll be smiling before you know it.

May you be blessed in every way.

Well-Being Wednesday - Sleep Well and Prosper

2009-04-01T09:38:00.000-07:00

This week on Well-Being Wednesday I thought I would write a bit on sleep (or the lack thereof). Again, I am pulling ideas that seem to be of interest to me! Sleep loss has a tremendous affect on your well-being. Sleep loss affects your brain functioning, including your attention, concentration, memory, decision-making abilities and other executive functions.

Many studies have found a relationship between the quantity and quality of one's sleep and many health problems. For example, insufficient sleep affects growth hormone secretion that is linked to obesity. As the amount of hormone secretion decreases, the chance for weight gain increases. Sleep loss can even affect your heart and blood pressure. Blood pressure usually falls during the sleep cycle. However, interrupted sleep can adversely affect this normal decline, leading to hypertension and cardiovascular problems. Research has also shown that insufficient sleep impairs the body's ability to use insulin, which can lead to the onset of diabetes. More and more scientific studies are showing correlations between poor and insufficient sleep and disease.

Advanced sleep loss or insomnia is best dealt with by getting help. Talk to your doctor or see a specialist. However, many people can be helped with some simple behavioral changes. Below are some tips for having better “sleep hygiene.”

Sleep only when you are sleepy.

This reduces the time you are awake in bed.

If you can't fall asleep within 20 minutes, get up and do something until you feel sleepy.

Sit quietly in the dark or read the warranty on your refrigerator. Don't expose yourself to bright light while you are up. The light gives cues to your brain that it is time to wake up.

Don't take naps.

This will ensure that you are tired at bedtime. If you just can't make it through the day without a nap, sleep less than one hour, and before 3 pm.

Get up and go to bed the same time every day.

Do this even on weekends! When your sleep cycle has a regular rhythm, you will feel better.

Refrain from exercise at least 4 hours before bedtime.

Regular exercise is recommended to help you sleep well, but the timing of the workout is important. Exercising in the morning or early afternoon will not interfere with sleep.

Develop sleep rituals.

It is important to give your body cues that it is time to slow down and sleep. Listen to relaxing music, read something soothing for 15 minutes, have a cup of caffeine free tea, or do relaxation exercises.

Only use your bed for sleeping.

Refrain from using your bed to watch TV, paying bills, working, or reading. So when you go to bed your body knows it is time to sleep. Sex is the only exception.

Stay away from caffeine, nicotine and alcohol at least 4-6 hours before bed.

Caffeine and nicotine are stimulants that interfere with your ability to fall asleep. Coffee, tea, cola, cocoa, chocolate and some prescription and non-prescription drugs contain caffeine. Cigarettes and some drugs contain nicotine. Alcohol may seem to help you sleep in the beginning as it slows brain activity, but you will end up having fragmented sleep.

Have a light snack before bed.

If your stomach is too empty, that can interfere with sleep. However, if you eat a heavy meal before bedtime, that can interfere as well. Dairy products and turkey contain tryptophan, which acts as a natural sleep inducer. Tryptophan is probably why a warm glass of milk is sometimes recommended.

Take a hot bath 90 minutes before bedtime.

A hot bath will raise your body temperature, but it is the drop in body temperature that may leave you feeling sleepy.

Make sure your bed and bedroom are quiet and comfortable.

A hot room can be uncomfortable. A cooler room along with enough blankets to stay warm is recommended. If light in the early morning bothers you, get a blackout shade or wear a slumber mask. If noise bothers you, wear earplugs or get a "white noise" machine.

Use sunlight to set your biological clock.

As soon as you get up in the morning, go outside and turn your face to the sun for 15 minutes.

How much sleep do you really need? You might want to read this from the National Sleep Foundation:
http://www.sleepfoundation.org/site/c.huIXKjM0IxF/b.2417325/k.3EAC/How_Much_Sleep_Do_We_Really_Need.htm

Manic Mondays - Assert Yourself

2009-03-30T13:30:00.000-07:00

For my Manic Monday topic today, I thought I would present some information on ways to be more assertive in your life. One reason many of us find our lives so overwhelming is because we fail to assert our own needs. It may seem easier to be passive and to focus on the needs of others but failing to assert your own needs will eventually lead to problems. If you find that you never assert your needs or wants, you might want to explore the reasons behind this. However, many of us know how to be assertive in certain situations or with certain people, but have difficulty with other situations or other people. If this is the case, please read on for some general suggestions to guide your attempts to be more assertive.

1. Saying yes and no: Learning to say yes and no appropriately, with care to both yourself and the person that you are addressing is a powerful tool in assertive behavior. Knowing what you want is also important. We can often be confused about situations, and may say yeas meaning no; or say no when we mean yes. In a demanding society like ours, it is important to give ourselves the space to decide what we want and how we might say that without hurting others.

2. “I” statements: If you want to get a message to someone clearly, you need to consider how he or she is receiving your message. All too often when you have something difficult to say, you will manipulate the words so that it appears that the difficulty is coming from elsewhere. Using sentences that begin with me, or “I”, is the best way of overcoming this problem. Owning our thoughts and feelings is crucial in assertiveness. Personalizing our statements means that they cannot be disregarded; they are ours and as such are important!

3. Changing “should” into “could”: Central to being assertive is the notion that we have choices. Many people, however, believe that there are too many things that they should do, and this lack of choice prevents them from being more assertive. If you write a list of all the things you should do, there would probably be at least 10 things on it. But think again- what do you HAVE TO DO on that list? How many of those things have come from other people? How many of them are what others have told you that you should do? Now turn the list upside down. Write out all the things that you would do because you want to do them. How many are left? Why are the others not there? Why should you do them? This concept is mind-blowing to many people. But it is a simple one to incorporate into life.

4. Changing ‘know’ into ‘imagine’: One of the things that people often get into the habit of doing is making assumptions about others and their thoughts, feelings, needs and wants. Changing the words “I know…” to “I imagine…” can have a tremendous impact on a situation because you are making clear what is fact and what is fantasy. It is also important not to project you ideas onto others, which is often unwittingly done when we use the words “I know”.

5. Changing questions to statements: It is important to use questioning statements, but don’t be lulled into using them constantly so you do not have to say what you think. Use affirmative statements that start with “I feel” or “I think” so others are clear about where you stand.

6. Start believing in yourself: Believe that you can’t make a mistake- you can only do things in a way that seems most appropriate given all the information and experience that you have at the time. Think about it, if you thought there was a better way of doing it you would have done it, wouldn’t you? Don’t give up trying to be more assertive, each situation is different and a new chance to get it right.

7. See the positive instead of the negative: We have choices all the time. It’s easy to have a hard day every day by the language we use. Try and change the following:

I’ve had a terrible day…The day has been tough, but I’ve learnt a lot.
It’s an uphill struggle…I’m nearly there, halfway there.
I’m finding it hard…It’s not easy

8. Using affirmations: A good way of putting the positive into your life is to create affirmations for yourself. Think about how you would like to be, and write them in a way that suggests you are already there e.g. I am lovable or I am happy with my life. Stick them in places around the house that you will see often, and say them out loud.

9. Assertiveness and body language: How you look at someone conveys how you feel about yourself and what you are saying. People often give their power away by looking away, and defiant and aggressive people show their feelings by directing them straight at the person. Your body language and tone of voice should show you are grounded, relaxed and present.

10. Dealing with conflict assertively: Conflict situations usually arise because of a lack of assertion on the part of one or both parties. Dealing with this takes courage. Most people tend to leave a problem and hope that it will right itself. Rather than taking the conflict as a personal feedback, join with the other person in working towards a win/win situation. You may well find that despite hostile beginnings or personal dislike, a mutually acceptable outcome can be found. Keep a clear picture of yourself and the other person, which is separate from the issue. It is easy to get wrapped up in personal clashes. Take one issue at a time- don’t let people rake up last week’s gripe. Stop them and deal with one issue at a time. Once dealt with don’t let them bring it up again next week! Look and listen to each other- tricky, but important. Be creative with possible outcomes. Find a mutually convenient time to discuss them. Make sure you understand each other by writing them down. Finally, appreciate the talents of others. We are beautifully created human beings, with faults, each and every one of us, have the courage to admit both.

11. Giving and receiving feedback: It is important to listen to feedback carefully rather than reject it or argue. Having heard the feedback decide on its value and the evidence to back it up. Acknowledge it and decide whether you are going to change your behavior as a result. If you feel the feedback is invalid then dispute the feedback positively and assertively. When you are giving feedback, try and think through why you are giving it before you start. What are you trying to achieve? Make sure the feedback it firmly rooted in “I” statements so that it is clear that it is your opinion and not someone else’s. Make sure your body language reflects clarity and direction.

Well-Being Wednesday - 8 Simple Ways to Minimize Stress

2009-03-25T10:42:00.000-07:00

For Well-being Wednesday, I thought I would continue with some stress management. Since last week's blog was a tad on the long side, I thought this week should be "short but sweet" and focus on ways to cope better with the stress already in your life.

Simple modifications in posture, habits, thought, and behavior often go a long way toward reducing feelings of stress and tension. Here are 8 quick and simple things you can do immediately to help keep your stress level under control.

1. Control Your Anger:

Watch for the next instance in which you find yourself becoming annoyed or angry at something trivial or unimportant, then practice letting go - make a conscious choice not to become angry or upset. Do not allow yourself to waste thought and energy where it isn't deserved. Effective anger management is a tried-and-true stress reducer.

2. Breathe:

Although this was discussed in detail last week, Breathing is very helpful for counteracting the negative effects of stress. Breathe slowly and deeply. Before reacting to the next stressful occurrence, take three deep breaths and release them slowly. If you have a few minutes, try out breathing exercises such as meditation or guided imagery.

3. Slow Down:

Whenever you feel overwhelmed by stress, practice speaking more slowly than usual. You'll find that you think more clearly and react more reasonably to stressful situations. Stressed people tend to speak fast and breathlessly; by slowing down your speech you'll also appear less anxious and more in control of any situation.

4. Complete One Simple To Do:

Jump start an effective time management strategy. Choose one simple thing you have been putting off (e.g. returning a phone call, making a doctor's appointment) and do it immediately. Just taking care of one nagging responsibility can be energizing and can improve your attitude.

5. Get Some Fresh Air:

Get outdoors for a brief break. Our grandparents were right about the healing power of fresh air. Don't be deterred by foul weather or a full schedule. Even five minutes on a balcony or terrace can be rejuvenating.

6. Avoid Hunger and Dehydration:

Drink plenty of water and eat small, nutritious snacks. Hunger and dehydration, even before you're aware of them, can provoke aggressiveness and exacerbate feelings of anxiety and stress.

7. Do a Quick Posture Check:

Hold your head and shoulders upright and avoid stooping or slumping. Bad posture can lead to muscle tension, pain, and increased stress.

8. Recharge at the Day’s End:

Plan something rewarding for the end of your stressful day, even if only a relaxing bath or half an hour with a good book. Put aside work, housekeeping or family concerns for a brief period before bedtime and allow yourself to fully relax. Don't spend this time planning tomorrow's schedule or doing chores you didn't get around to during the day. Remember that you need time to recharge and energize yourself - you'll be much better prepared to face another stressful day.

Manic Mondays - How to Ask for Help

2009-03-23T08:52:00.000-07:00

As a busy parent (or really anyone today who is over-scheduled and over-whelmed), you may be on your own, but you don't have to do it all alone! Asking for help builds community and teaches valuable life lessons. Begin with these steps, and you'll find that asking for help isn't as painful as you'd imagined.

Difficulty: Average

Time Required: The time it takes to make a phone call!

Here's How:

Let Go of Your Need to Be Perfect
The first step is to let go of the pressure you're putting on yourself to do it all on your own. Look at the people around you. Aren't there other people who receive regular help from friends, family, anyone? There is nothing wrong with asking for help when you need it. Needing help is not a sign of weakness or failure!

Be Honest With Yourself
What is most disturbing to you about asking for help? Do you think asking for help gives the impression that you're not capable of doing it all on your own? Are you afraid that needing help might confirm what someone else is trying to say about you? Are you afraid you'll "owe" someone? Try to identify what it is that you resist when it comes to asking others for help.

Redefine Strength
The strongest people are not necessarily the ones who seem to be able to do it all on their own. Authentic strength includes an awareness of your personal strengths and weaknesses and the ability to recruit assistance in the areas where you need it most.

Be Optimistic
Believe that people around you want to help; because, in most cases, they do. If your friends, family, neighbors and co-workers realized you had a specific need, many of them would jump at the chance to help out. Maybe you've "known" your neighbor for eight years, but she has no idea that you're going through a difficult time right now. Believe that if she knew your need, she wouldn't hesitate to help.

Take a Risk
As humbling as it can be, asking for help can also provide an amazing opportunity to "get real" with the people around you. When they, in return, do the same thing, you may be surprised to find yourself developing exactly the type of deep, meaningful friendships you've always wanted to cultivate. That's enriching, but it doesn't happen without the willingness to take a risk and be real.

Start With One Need
Begin by focusing on one area of your life where you could use some support. Maybe it's getting some help around the house, or maybe you could use some help fixing a leaky faucet in the bathroom. Start by asking for help with one specific need.

Brainstorm
Who might be able to help you with this particular need? Is it a neighbor you trust? A relative who lives nearby? You might think that you're limited to those people who you already know well, or who you have a lot in common with. But take the time to "think outside the box." Who do you trust? Who are you drawn to? Who is one person in your life that you'd like to get to know better?

Ask
Once you've brainstormed a list of the people who might be able to help, call them. If it's easier for you, write down what you plan to say on a piece of paper. Also, you can even begin your request by saying, "I'm not really comfortable asking for help, but I was wondering if you might be able to do something for me."

Ask with a positive expectation
If you are going to ask you may as well not be too apologetic for it. I’m pretty bad at this, I always feel guilty for asking, especially if it’s family or friends, I feel like I should be able to manage it all myself, of course it’s not possible.

Ask someone who you think can say “yes”
For example you may already know that one set of family members are busy at the weekend and quiet in the week. Tailor your requests to fit with other people’s lifestyles where possible, you’re more likely to get a yes.

Be clear and specific
I used to feel that I was nagging my husband all the time to help with housework, but he would counter by saying that he was helping. The problem was that I was being too vague I was not clear on what I wanted him to do and the kind of help I needed. He was always saying that he was doing what was asked, which he was. When I asked him to take the rubbish to the bin he did, although two days later. If I asked him to do some cleaning, he would wash the dishes. Now I say things like “please take the trash out tonight” and “please could you clean the floor in the kitchen and do the dishes." I ask for exactly what I want and when i need it done. 99% of the time I get it. I’m happy because I’m receiving help and the house is tidy. He is happy because he isn’t being nagged. Simple.

Say Thank You
Of course it goes without saying that it's appropriate to thank someone who helps you. However, there's also reason for a word of caution here: Don't overdo it. You don't have to spend money on a thank you gift! Heartfelt words of appreciation, either spoken or written on paper, are sufficient.

Give Back
Lastly, you can always return the favor in other ways. If your neighbor watches your kids two afternoons a week, double a recipe once in a while and share half of it with her family. Keep your eyes open, and you'll begin to see the ways in which others around you could use your help, too.

Tips:
Asking for help gets easier the more you do it.
Start by asking for help in one small area.
If you're more comfortable, suggest trading tasks.

Well-Being Wednesday - Just Breathe

2009-03-18T10:19:00.000-07:00

As I thought about topics to cover for Well-Being Wednesday, I examined what issues I run into again and again and decided (hopefully not narcissistically) that if I have a problem with something, there might be others out there struggling with the same issues. Today’s topic will focus on counteracting the negative effects of stress by using deep breathing.

Now stress has earned a bad reputation, but it actually has a good side. It seems to be one of our universal complaints, and yet stress is a very personal thing. Ask a dozen people what they define as stressful and you’ll probably get a dozen different answers. For example, shopping is stressful for one person, while it is fun for another. Background music may aid concentration for some people but be annoying for others.

Many things in life can be stressful. Some are big stresses like divorce or death of a loved one, moving to a new town, or financial problems. Some are everyday hassles, like waiting in line or contending with traffic, spilled coffee or a stopped-up sink. Just meeting life’s basic needs like having food to eat and a roof over your head can be stressful. Some stresses aren’t even negative events. Weddings, births, vacations, and visiting friends are happy occasions that can also be highly stressful.

So then, what is stress? Quite simply, it is the way your mind and body react to everyday irritations and changes that frighten, anger, or upset you. It is a normal response to a new or challenging situation. Stress can increase your alertness and concentration, sharpen your reflexes and stimulate you to perform well. Stress can help you in passing a test, playing a sport, dealing with heavy traffic or learning a new skill, adjusting to a major lifestyle change, or dealing with slight hassles. Stress can be dealt with in a healthy or unhealthy way. I remember hearing somewhere that stress is like a guitar string: you need a certain amount of tension to make music, but if the string is too tight, it will break.

The secret to managing stress is in how you perceive and react to it. Most people have had a first-hand experience with dealing fine with a situation one time, then the next time getting completely stressed-out over an identical circumstance. You may not have coped as well the second time because you were more tired or weighed down by other stresses.

Unfortunately, some people have an unhealthy view of all change. They see change and everyday hassles as threatening. They view the world through glasses tinted with pessimism and because they expect change to be harmful, it often is. These people often feel overwhelmed by stress.

Other people see change as positive and understand that stress is a fact of life. They realize change is sometimes difficult but can also be helpful. They know change brings new information, new experiences, and opportunities for personal growth. These people seldom let stress get out of control.

Whether you have a natural outlook on life that helps you deal with stress or helps you feel more overwhelmed by stress, we all experience stress. You can’t avoid all stress, but you can counteract its negative effects by learning how to evoke the relaxation response, a state of deep rest that is the exact opposite of the stress response. Dr. Benson first wrote about the relaxation response and I have a link to a few of his books at the end if you want to read more.

The stress response floods your body with chemicals that prepare you for “fight or flight.” But while the stress response is helpful in an emergency where you must be alert, it wears your body down when continuously activated. The relaxation response brings your system back into balance: deepening your breathing, reducing stress hormones, slowing down your heart rate and blood pressure, and relaxing your muscles.

In addition to its calming physical effects, research shows that the relaxation response also increases energy and focus, combats illness, relieves aches and pains, heightens problem-solving abilities, and boosts motivation and productivity. Best of all – with a little practice – anyone can reap these benefits.

The key to bringing about the relaxation response is focused awareness. Your breathing can be the object of that focus. In addition, because the normal breathing patterns can be disrupted by tension, stress, and pain, focusing on how you breathe may provide you with an additional method of relaxing.

Diaphragmatic Breathing

Learning to breathe deep is a great relaxation method. The key to deep breathing is to breathe deeply from the abdomen, getting as much fresh air as possible in your lungs. When you take deep breaths from the abdomen, rather than shallow breaths from your upper chest, you inhale more oxygen. The more oxygen you get, the less tense, short of breath, and anxious you feel. So the next time you feel stressed, take a minute to slow down and breathe deeply:

Sit comfortably with your back straight. Put one hand on your chest and the other on your stomach.
Breathe in through your nose. The hand on your stomach should rise. The hand on your chest should move very little.
Exhale through your mouth, pushing out as much air as you can while contracting your abdominal muscles. The hand on your stomach should move in as you exhale, but your other hand should move very little.
Continue to breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Try to inhale enough so that your lower abdomen rises and falls. Count slowly as you exhale.

If you have a hard time breathing from your abdomen while sitting up, try lying on the floor. Put a small book on your stomach, and try to breathe so that the book rises as you inhale and falls as you exhale.

I plan to cover some other methods for achieving the relaxation response in the next few weeks. If you would like more information before then, you might check out the following resources:

Some great books on relaxation:

The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook
The Relaxation Response
Beyond the Relaxation Response

Some free relaxation exercises to help you practice deep breathing and other relaxation techniques:

Two relaxation exercises:

http://www.hws.edu/studentlife/counseling_relax.aspx

Free breathing exercise download found here: http://www.holycross.edu/wellness_programming/stress/breathing/

Various Relaxation resources can also be found here: http://www.loyola.edu/campuslife/healthservices/counselingcenter/relaxation.html

Jason Newland has provided many free relaxation audios for download here: http://freerelaxationaudios.com/

Manic Mondays - Tortellini en brodo, An Easy Weeknight Dinner Recipe

2009-03-16T13:04:00.000-07:00

I have decided to institute another set top day and today is the inauguration of my first "Manic Mondays" blog post. I have decided that every Monday will involve posts related to surviving the work week without growing crazy. Tips for working moms or anyone with a busy week and limited time to thrive or even survive. I hope to provide information on balance, self-care, homemaking tips, or really anything that will help you make it through a busy work week. Today, I decided to share one of my daughter's favorite recipes. Emma has library day one day a week and for a while, different cookbooks kept coming home. This recipe is a very easy chicken soup recipe that tastes home-made but is really easy to make. Kids seem to like it too. i can't remember the cookbook it came from, but I think it was one by Emeril Lagasse. I found a similar recipe on his website here so this might be the original source.

Tortellini en Brodo (tortellini soup)

Ingredients:

2 tablespoons olive oil
1 1/2 cups chopped yellow onion
3/4 cup chopped celery
3/4 cup chopped carrots
2 teaspoons minced garlic
1/8 teaspoon crushed red pepper
8 cups reduced-sodium chicken broth
9 ounces fresh cheese-filled
2 tablespoons minced parsley
Salt, to taste if necessary
1/2 cup finely grated Parmesan cheese

Heat a large saucepan over high heat. Add the olive oil and, when hot, add the onion, celery, and carrots. Saute until soft, about 4 minutes. Add the garlic and crushed red pepper and saute for 2 more minutes. Add the chicken broth and bring to a boil. Cover, reduce the heat to medium-low, and simmer for 20 minutes.Add the tortellini and cook for 5 minutes. Stir in the parsley, taste, and adjust the seasoning if necessary. Remove from heat and ladle into soup bowls.Garnish each bowl with one tablespoon of the cheese. Serve immediately. This will serve 6 to 8 people.

2009 Blog Improvement Project - Week #5 Social Media Carnival

2009-03-13T16:27:00.001-07:00

March is the Social Media Carnival for the 2009 Blog Improvement Project, and the first task is to write about how you use a social media tool to improve your blog.

I think this project will be very helpful. I have to admit that my experience with social media is very uneven. Some of the topics mentioned I have never really heard of or if I have heard of them, I certainly haven't understood them, except to see little buttons or links on various websites.

I know we have had a few bloggers posting their reports on Facebook or Twitter, but upon reflection, those are the only social media that I use regularly to give any true opinion on. I do use both and I do feel both have merit and are not the same in their uses or merits. I will try to give some insight on each one, perhaps in a two-part blog post. So let's start with Facebook.

I have already posted a bit on Facebook and basically Facebook is a virtual social experience. Once you sign up for an account, you begin to develop your space there by entering various information in your profile, uploading pictures (if you want), posting links and notes about things of interest to you, and the ability to play games and trade virtual gifts. It is probably even more complex than that, but let's keep it simple. I have said before that Facebook is what you make of it. You can keep your profile as public or private as you want. Mine is set fairly private with only people I actually "friend" having access to my profile and anything on it. Even though my profile is set that way, I also keep my contact information down to a minimum, just my blog address and my email address. If you are very security conscious, you can even remove yourself from being found by searching. I do think being that restrictive will seriously restrict the social media aspects.

I think the thing Facebook does best is to allow you to connect with others in an easy-to-use format. I did read Jack's instructions on ways to promote your blog via Facebook. You can find her post here on her Slightly Off-Center Blog. That is a great use for Facebook. It may be a way to provide more of a Brand or presence on the internet. However, I am still undecided on having my own page. I guess to me it seems a bit narcissistic to create a page for fans to seek me when it feels like few people even know my blog exists. This may be my own therapy issue, but for now I don't intend to pursue this at the moment.

The main ways my blog and my Facebook page interact is to provide (1) another place for people to find my blog; and (2) another way for readers to easily read my content. Number one is done simply by having my blog address listed in my profile. Number two is done by automatically importing my blog posts as they are published to my blog. This is done via the Notes application on Facebook itself.

If you want to be able to automatically import in your blog posts as you post them to your blog, here are some instructions:

(1) Head to the "My Notes" page once you have logged in to Facebook from the home page.

(2) Cllick on "Import a Blog" in the Notes Setting box.

(3) Enter the URL or RSS feed of your blog in the form provided. Be sure to select the box confirming your ownership rights and click the "Start Importing" link.

(4) Confirm that Facebook found the correct blog and choose to "Continue" or "Cancel" depending on the results.

(5) Facebook will now automatically add your new blog posts as notes on your profile.

You can also set the privacy level of your notes by doing the following:

(1) Log in to Facebook and go to the "My Privacy" page (see Resources below).

(2) Edit the settings for the "Friends, Notes, and Facebook Development Platform" section.

(3) In the Notes section, use the drop-down box to select the level of privacy you want your notes to have. The default setting is that everyone on Facebook can see your notes. Be sure to 'Save' your changes.

(4) Go to the "My Notes" page and "Edit Notes Privacy." Since you are importing your blog to Facebook, you will need to change the privacy levels of the notes if you don't want everyone to read them.

(5) Choose exactly who you want to comment on or subscribe to your blog. The default is that anyone who can see your blog can post comments. You may want to turn comments off entirely, so people head to your external blog to add their comments.

I do enjoy Facebook in general, but admit I haven't utilized it to truly maximize my blog promotion. I think that this may be due to the fact that I do like to use Facebook as a forum to connect with my friends rather than develop a business. Although then again, I see my blog as a tool for self expression rather than a business. In closing, I wanted to make sure I answered all of Kim's questions regarding Facebook and my blog. She asked the following:

How do you use this particular tool to improve your blog or relationship with other bloggers? I don't think I have used Facebook for this and that may be a mistake. I am not sure how easy it is to find bloggers you have never heard about directly on Facebook. However, it is a cool place to gather with a group of friends you already know.

How do you balance time between blogging and using social media? This is tough, but I think it is no different than balancing time between blogging and living. You allocate time to each and stay within your limits!

What are some specific things you wish you'd known before you started your chosen your new tool? For me, I wish I could have know how addictive Facebook is but even so I probably would still have jumped in.

Well-Being Wednesday - Healthy Optimism

2009-03-11T10:50:00.000-07:00

My topic for Well-Being Wednesday is Optimism. Optimism has been declared a healthy attitude. Optimists are those individuals who anticipate the best outcome and expect pleasurable experiences to occur. Optimism has been associated with an enhanced immune system, and has been found to be a strong predictor of the length of cancer remission.

Martin Seligman has demonstrated that a pessimistic style is associated with depression and general poor health. Pessimists see events that happen to them as stable (“This always happens to me”), global (“I never do anything right.”), and internal (“It’s all my fault.”).

In contrast, optimists see events as unstable (“Just because it happened once doesn’t mean it will again.”), specific (“I have trouble with pacing my activities.”), and external (“Other people are responsible for their behaviors, I’m responsible for mine.”).

I do think it is possible to change your own outlook on life if you are willing to put in the work. You simply need to learn to identify your own negative thinking and slowly replace these thoughts with more positive optimistic ones. This method is know as cognitive behavioral therapy. However, I do believe you can challenge your own negative thoughts and become more optimistic without the aid of a therapist, as long as you are willing to put in some effort.

I found some straight-forward tips on WikiHow for those wanting a little more structure and guidance in their pursuit of optimism. You can view the whole article here.

1. Let go of the assumption that the world is against you, or that you were born with a gray cloud over your head. It is an assumption that has no basis in reason or science. To believe that the universe or a spiritual entity has singled you out and shifted the world order just to make your life miserable is both self-centered and illogical. Be humble and stop pretending you've got the world all figured out. Sometimes bad experiences lead to good experiences, and you can't predict the future, so you can't assume it'll always be bad.

2. Look for the source of your pessimism. Deep-rooted negativity can often be traced to childhood experiences, when growing minds observe their circumstances and make presumptions about how the world functions. If all you saw growing up were disappointments, betrayals and failure, it's no surprise that now it's what you expect from the world as an adult. Sometimes we pick up a flair for pessimism from a parent who made negative assumptions about the world somewhere along the line. Either way, the sooner you can attribute your pessimism to a unique set of circumstances rather than the state of the world itself, the easier it'll be to change your perspective.

3. Understand that the past does not equal the future. Just because you've experienced pain or disappointment in the past does not guarantee that it's all you'll experience in the future. There were many things in your past that you couldn't control, and everybody comes across unfortunate circumstances at some point in their lives - you're no exception. But there are also many things in life we can control to one degree or another, and therein lies the possibility of change. A day or week that starts badly will not necessarily end badly. Do not make a bad start turn into a self fulfilling prophecy for a bad ending.

4. See yourself as a cause, not an effect. You don't have to be a product or a victim of your circumstances. Stop thinking about what is happening to you and start thinking about what you can make happen. If you're not happy with the way your life is now, set goals and move on. Use your past negative experiences to build character and make better decisions, instead of letting pessimism turn you into someone who avoids risk at all costs. Sometimes it is necessary to take risks to receive rewards. Moreover, taking no action is taking an action. It is better to play to win rather than merely to avoid losing.

5. Accept pain, failure and disappointment as a part of life, not the entirety of it. Life involves taking many risks every day, and not all of them will end positively. That's what defines risk. But the flip side is that some actions will lead to good results, and it's generally better to have a mixed bag than to have nothing at all. Ideally, the good stuff will outweigh the bad, but you'll never reach that point unless you put yourself out there and hope for the best. When in doubt, remember Lord Alfred Tennyson's words of wisdom:

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

6. Be thankful. Everyone has something to be grateful for. Make a list of the good things that have happened to you. If nothing instantly springs to mind, you aren't trying hard enough. The key to being an optimist is recognizing the benefits and possibilities of any situation, and understanding that it could always be worse. If all else fails, think of how life could be worse, and flip the thought process to recognize what you do have. For example: "I'm flunking out of school" can turn into "Well, at least I have a chance to go to school, and I still have time to turn my grades around." Get a notebook and a pen, and write down all the good things that you have. Every time you are feeling negative, read through them and remind yourself that it's not all bad.

7. Use positive affirmations. Write down short statements that remind you of what you're trying to change about the way you see the world. Put them in places where you'll see them every day, such as on your bathroom mirror, the inside of your locker, on your computer monitor, and even taped to your shower wall. Some affirmations to start with are:

"Anything is possible."

"I create my circumstances, my circumstances don't create me."

"The only thing I can control is my attitude towards life."

"I always have a choice."

8. Remember that life is short. When you feel pessimism clouding your judgment or you start to feel down about the future, remind yourself that every minute counts, and any time spent brooding guarantees nothing but less time to enjoy whatever life might have to offer. At its core, pessimism is impractical because it causes you to spend time dwelling on things that haven't happened yet and aren't guaranteed to happen, and it prevents you from getting things done. Pessimism breeds indecision. It's a waste of time, and time is a limited resource that you can't afford to take for granted.

9. Be a balanced optimist. Nobody's suggesting that you become an oblivious Pollyanna, pretending that nothing bad can or ever will happen. Doing so can lead to poor decisions and invites people to take advantage of you. Instead, be a rational optimist who takes the good with the bad, in hopes of the good ultimately outweighing the bad, and with the understanding that being pessimistic about everything accomplishes nothing. Prepare for the worst but hope for the best - the former makes you sensible, and the latter makes you an optimist.

A patient of mine gave me a copy of the Optimist Creed, put out by Optimist International. I would like to end with this and welcome your comments and observations. Do you think optimism can be cultivated or is it something you are born with?

The Optimist Creed

Promise Yourself:

To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet.
To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.
To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

2009 Blog Improvement Project - Week 4 Blog Basics

2009-03-09T21:44:00.001-07:00

This week's topic in the Blog Improvement Project is Blog Basics. Kim at Sophisticated Dorkiness wrote: "...when a new reader gets to your site, how easy is it for them to find out basic information about you and what your blog is about?" She suggested we explore updating our "About Me" page, contact information, picture, blogroll, archives, or RSS feed subscription.

I did do much of this work this past week. I took a suggestion from Kim and added my email address to my blog. I learned how to use Feedburner to add a way to subscribe to my RSS feed via email. I explored ways to access my archives including a search box.

The only official suggestion I am still working on is a blogroll. I do like the idea, but I feel overwhelmed with locating all the blogs I read and putting them in one place. I think I will work on this project but it will take me a while to do so. I don't use any regular readers so I have no systematic way of finding them all easily. I do agree that just putting them on my blog in a blogroll might even help me visit my favorite blogs more regularly.

So that's my progress on Blog Basics and I promise to make continuous improvement my ongoing goal.

2009 Blog Improvement Project - Week 3 Blog Post Bingo

2009-03-05T08:38:00.000-08:00

Week 3 of the 2009 Blog Improvement Project is a little something called Blog Post Bingo. Kim shared many references with descriptions of various types of blog posts. She then listed 10 types of blog posts and asked everyone to try to write as many of these different kinds of posts over the next two weeks. They even had a contest with prizes, which I missed since I only found the BIP this week. I thought about just skipping this week so I could move on to week 4, but on second thought, decided that to be fair, I should attempt the exercise anyway. I am going to amend the project a bit to include various blog posts I have already written as well as one I wrote primarily for this project week.

The 10 types of posts were:

A Link Post - share a series of links your readers might find interesting (I think my post on kid's television is a link post as I do provide links to associated info.) http://thementalmom.blogspot.com/2009/02/childrens-television-that-parents.html

A Short Post - less than 200 words
http://thementalmom.blogspot.com/2008/11/gratitude.html

A List Post - simple as it sounds, a list of some sort
http://thementalmom.blogspot.com/2008/11/suggestions-for-finding-that-elusive.html

An Opinion Post - take an event, news, or another blog post and share your opinion on it http://thementalmom.blogspot.com/2009/03/why-do-we-expect-reality-shows-to.html

A Poll or Question Post - post a poll or ask your readers a specific question for feedback (I have toyed with asking questions in a post, but no real polls. I will have to figure out how to do this over the next year.)

A How-To Post - You’re an expert in something; big or small, share how to do it (I think my recipe is a bit of a how to.)
http://thementalmom.blogspot.com/2009/02/great-weeknight-recipe-sausage-and.html

A Long Post - more than 700 words (I thought this one would be easy as I tend to write more than I need to at times, but guess I will need to work on this in the future.)

A Review Post - self-explanatory, I think :)
http://thementalmom.blogspot.com/2009/02/my-stroke-of-insight-brain-scientists.html

A Definition Post - show your expertise about a topic related to your blog (I am not sure I have put myself out as an expert in anything thus far on my blog. I tend to use this blog for self expression and shy away from aspects related to my career and any expertise. I know that is a cop out, but I can work on this type of post over the next year too.)

FREE SPACE - a type of post of your choice (that is not the same as one of the previous posts) (I am not sure what style this one is, perhaps self exploration of some type?)
http://thementalmom.blogspot.com/2008/11/easy-rider-or-how-to-face-your-fears.html

Why do We Expect Reality Shows to Follow Rules of Fairness and Real Life

2009-03-05T07:31:00.000-08:00

I wanted to give my opinion on reality television. I have to admit I find myself drawn to reality television shows. Not all of them, but certainly many of them. I seem to love any of the reality cooking shows but my favorite is always The Amazing Race. I don’t follow The Bachelor but have noticed that everyone is discussing the recent drama related to that finale. I find watching a reality show, itself, is a bit like trying to avoid watching a car wreck. I don’t understand, however, why everyone seems to think that the outcome of reality shows should be based upon fairness or merit. Reality shows are unique unto themselves. They are not truly reality so why would they follow the same rules. I read a recent blog that seemed to address this very eloquently.

James Poniewozik in his Tuned In blog post, Why Top Chef Was Right to Pick the Wrong Winner, seemed to understand some of the ways reality television is not exactly reality. He points out the fact that many of us feel cheated that Hosea won during the recent finale of Top Chef. Frankly, I did not really like Stefan, but he dominated most of the challenges throughout the show and I really wanted Carla to win. However, both messed up their dishes in the finale and Hosea did better overall in that last challenge. I notice many people become unglued discussing outcomes of reality shows. Although we all seem to get emotionally involved in the outcome of reality shows, Poniewozik shared the following, which I do agree with heartily:

“Once you turn a competition into an entertainment, in other words, you have to leave in the possibility that the wrong guy will win sometime. Rewarding people on sheerly on the basis of their ability, and making sure that the most deserving come out on top all the time—that's what the rest of life is for. And if it doesn't always work out that way, that's our problem, not the Top Chef judges'.”

So what do you think? Are you still irritated with the outcome of Top Chef? Are you frustrated with the romantic decisions made by Jason on The Batchelor? Can you accept that it is really not reality but an entertaining game?

2009 Blog Improvement Project Week 2: Brainstorming and the Introduction of Well-Being Wednesdays

2009-03-04T14:49:00.000-08:00

The second assignment for the 2009 Blog Improvement Project was about brainstorming, more specifically to brainstorm some ideas and then blog your ideas. We had several articles to read regarding brainstorming techniques and then the task of coming up with a new, regular feature for our blog.

For a while now, I have wanted a bit more structure for my blog. One reason I continue to blog is to exercise my creativity and spontaneity. I often live too much “in my head” and caught up with the future or the past. My blog is an exercise in enjoying life in the moment. I tend to blog about what is on my mind at the moment, life as I am living it, or things I am currently experiencing. However, I do believe that my blog is a reflection of my scattered consciousness and as such is quite disjointed and unpredictable. I also have little schedule to my blogging and you are not able to predict when I will have new content. I’d like to find some “happy medium” where I still exercise my creativity and spontaneity but add in a bit more structure.

I have noticed that I do like blogs where the author has a calendar of some sort that guides the style of posting on a weekly basis. After brainstorming on the types of topics I have blogged about in the past and on various ideas on topics of interest to me currently, I came up with a few editorial topics to explore. As my pilot project, I plan to introduce some structure into my future blog posts.

One major interest of mine is my own self-improvement project. The past few years I have been working on my own private happiness project. It is still a work in progress. However, I have been taking active steps toward my own well-being. A regular feature I would like to add to my blog to highlight this project is to institute every Wednesday be “Well-Being Wednesday.” Every Wednesday, I will work on blogging about my journey into the why’s and how’s of happiness.

Since today is Wednesday, I brainstormed a bit and thought I might discuss one of my favorite quotes. "Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action." -- Benjamin Disraeli. To me, this quote found in Disraeli’s novel Lothair, reminds me that you have to work at anything important or meaningful, including happiness. I also feel it points out that I may not always make the right choices, but failing to take a chance and try something, anything, is always better than doing nothing at all. I have mentioned several times to my patients that I can not guarantee the outcome of any change; however, it does seem reasonable to assume that doing nothing will usually yield nothing. If you are unhappy, doing nothing is more likely to keep you exactly where you are. Making a change, any change, does not guarantee happiness, but you have to be willing to try something different to be truly happy.

Now, I am no expert on happiness or its pursuit. I am merely a lowly student trying to find my way to enjoying life. What do you think? Do you agree with my interpretation of Mr. Disraeli’s statement? Do you have a favorite happiness quote to share? Please post a comment and let’s get it started!

The 2009 Blog Improvement Project and Week 1 Project (Setting Goals)

2009-03-03T22:48:00.000-08:00

I have been feeling dissatisfied with my blog of late. I still feel this need to have a blog, but have felt that my blog is not living up to my aspirations in various ways. Yesterday which surfing the ‘net, I came across a button on this book blog while reading a book review. (If you must know, I am slowly making my way through One Fifth Avenue by Candace Bushnell and I do have this sad addiction to searching for reviews and even spoilers of books I am currently reading, especially books I am finding tedious, in the hopes I will discover motivation to actually finish the book.) Okay, back to my original topic, the 2009 Blog Improvement Project, which was the button I noticed. I quickly clicked on the button and arrived at Sophisticated Dorkiness, an interesting blog by Kim. I began to read about her project and I was hooked. I had found a community of people who were focused on improving their blogs. Accountability and structure! I decided whether or not I could be accepted into this project, I needed to jump on board the improvement project.

The 2009 Blog Improvement Project is a year-long challenge that will consist of twice-monthly activities to improve your blog. Every first and third Monday of the month an activity will be posted at Sophisticated Dorkiness that will be related in some way to making your blog better. Now, I am already behind my counterparts. I have missed the first 2 months of the project. However, being the anal compulsive person that I am, I plan to work on catching up with the rest of the group project by project, ideally finding a way to catch up long before the end of the year.

From Kim for the Week 1 Project - Setting Goals. What do you want to accomplish with your blog in 2009? Set some goals for your blog. Think about where you would like to be a year from now, and try to set clear and specific objectives that you’ll be able to measure in some way once we get to the end of 2009. Even before you set goals, it’s important to reflect back on what you’ve actually accomplished. Problogger suggests 69 questions (of various topics) that you could use to consider the things that are going well with your blog and the things that might need improvement. Using some of these questions could help you decide what blog areas you should set goals in.

Already, after spending some time on this first task, I am thinking quit, run away!! This task hits on some difficult issues for me. I tried to answer Problogger's 69 questions (whom I love, by the way, due to his fabulous advice on blogging and twitter) and came up with a whole lot of nothing. My blog seems to exist in isolation. I suspect only a few of my close friends actually read it. I am never quite sure what my focus is and because of that my posting is erratic and disjointed. So rather than run away, let’s set some realistic goals for the next year:

(1) Find a focus or center for my blog. I think my original purpose was to have a creative outlet, to find my own inner creativity and pleasure again, after having kids and losing my focus. I love so many things; I don’t think my blog can be narrowly focused. However, I need to find someway to keep a focus so I, and others, can have some consistent content here.

(2) Find some structure for posting that fits my needs but also leads to more consistent posting. Again, finding a way to post a certain number of posts in a week with some schedule seems a good idea and I am toying with the idea of having some sort of weekly schedule, i.e., Wednesday book reviews or happiness project musings on a particular day of the week? To quantify, perhaps set some weekly structure in posting by end of month and post at least 3 times per week?

(3) Content, content, content. By this, I would like to have some plan for my content that is consistent with my eventual focus. I would like to have some content that is planned, but still leave room for rambled musings. I do think I am usually too good at planning, and not so good at spontaneity. The blog is part of my life goal of being more spontaneous and living “in the moment.”

(4) Find a way to network and find a sense of community. Since I can’t control who comes to my blog, I would like to make more of an effort to visit other blogs on a regular basis and comment more frequently. Okay, I stole this one from many of the other BIP participants! But it seems like a great idea. Perhaps to measure progress, my goal would be to leave a comment 5 times in a week?

(5) Learn more about blog design and applications. I don’t need the most technical or beautiful blog, but I would like to understand more how to make my blog more user-friendly for me and also for those visiting. I would also like to learn more about tracking who is visiting my blog.

Okay, I could come up with many more goals, but I think those are enough for now. If I do achieve progress on these goals I can always come with more. If anyone is out there, please leave me any comments with your observations or suggestions. I would appreciate it!!

A Great Weeknight Recipe Sausage and Polenta Casserole

2009-02-25T21:34:00.000-08:00

I mentioned on Facebook that I made this great casserole last night and had a few requests for the recipe, so thought I would share the recipe here. It does not take too much prep time and the end result is mouth-watering good! I'd post a picture, but we ate it all up for dinner the last 2 nights. We had enough for 4 for dinner for two different nights, so serves 8. So here it is...

Sausage and Polenta Casserole

16 oz. Italian sausage 2 cups cornmeal
1 tbls. olive oil 14.5 oz. chicken broth
1 large onion,chopped ¾ tsp salt
1 large stalk celery, chopped 4.5 cups boiling water
1 carrot, peeled and chopped ½ cup grated Parmesan cheese
1 can (28 oz.) whole tomatoes 8 oz. Fontina or mozzarella cheese

First, sauté in your Dutch oven 1 pound of Italian sausage after removing the casings. Brown the sausage while breaking them up with your spoon. My original recipe called for 8 oz. of hot and 8 oz. of sweet sausage. I did do that the first time I made it and it was yummy, but I had to buy 2 packages of sausage and my kids picked out the hot sausage, so this last time I just used one package of sweet! Once the sausage is browned, remove from the Dutch oven and then add 1 tbls. of olive oil. Add 1 large onion, 1 large carrot, 1 stalk celery, all chopped fine, and brown. Takes about 5 minutes. Add sausage back in and one large can of whole tomatoes (original recipe calls for roma tomatoes in puree, but can never find in standard grocery store, so just used can of whole tomatoes in sauce this time and it worked fine). Bring to boil and then turn down and simmer, covered for 10 minutes and then opened for 10 minutes. This last time I added a little bit of white wine before the tomatoes and a little salt, pepper, and oregano (but tasted great without those things the last time I made it).

While tomatoes are simmering, preheat oven to 350 degrees. Also grate about 8 oz. of Fontina cheese and set aside. Start polenta, after you relax a bit, as it only takes about 5 minutes! For polenta, start water to boil (4.5 cups). In large saucepan, mix 2 cups of corn meal, 14.5 ounces of chicken broth, and salt together over medium low heat. Add 4.5 cups of boiling water and whisk together until smooth and starts to thicken. Once thickened, add ½ cup of Parmesan cheese and whisk together.

Now just layer all your ingredients in a 13 x 9 baking dish. Lightly grease the pan, put in half of polenta and spread across pan, cover with half of tomato mixture, sprinkle on half of cheese. Then repeat. Save the last half of cheese and bake casserole uncovered for 15 minutes, add the cheese, and put back in oven for another 15-20 minutes. Last night I screwed up and put the cheese on before I baked, so I just baked for 30 minutes and it was fine. Let sit for 10 minutes then serve.

The Facebook Generation

2009-02-22T14:43:00.000-08:00

I have found myself being sucked into Facebook. Every day I make attempts to avoid going there, only to find I can't avoid it. Initially, I joined and then visited it rarely for more than a year. Then I discovered the Facebook application for my Treo and it slowly began to suck me in. Soon, I checked in at least once a day via my phone to see what my friends were saying in their status comments, to post pictures and see what my friends were posting, or just to share my own experiences. The tipping point for me appears to be the death of the dryer. The week I spent without the ability to do much laundry seemed to free up a lot of my evenings after the girls were in bed. I rediscovered my notebook computer and taking a lesson from my husband, began to play on my computer again right in front of the television. During this time, I realized that the real Facebook site is actually much more fun than my minimized phone version! My Facebook time severely increased and I find myself drawn to checking it multiple times per day.

Much of it is the social networking, but then there is that addictive game Mafia Wars. I need my fix daily and find myself returning again and again to do some criminal jobs, acquire dirty money, and fight other mafia families. Who knew the mafia life could be so fun or addictive? Well The Soprano's were a bit addictive too, but not quite as much fun with all the realistic violence and sex!

I find myself wondering how healthy my Facebook usage is. I have always had difficulty setting limits with my hobbies. I tend to obsessively pursue them and then finding myself quitting "cold turkey" to be able to attend back to "real life." I can read to obsession. I can watch television to obsession. I can play video games to obsession. Or I know I could and that is why I make sure that does not happen. Where does Facebook fit in this? Is it an escape to avoid the real world? Or is it truly a way to connect? I guess it really can be both. As with everything, it depends on how you use it. Do you use it to avoid having real relationships with people? Do you invest a lot of time and effort into people you are really not that close to?

I am not sure of my answers to these questions, although my gut feeling at the moment is that Facebook is kind of wonderful and is allowing me to grow in many ways. In a world where everyone is so busy and spread out, Facebook allows me to connect more with friends I truly miss but have no way to achieve face-to-face friendship due to geographical distance. It also allows me to connect more with friends who do live close by but are caught up in this day-to-day crazy experience of an over-scheduled life. It also allows me to explore the past a bit in many different ways. I can reconnect with friends from the past I lost touch with, or mere acquaintances from the past that I never took the time to explore, or even to approach people I may have made judgements about in high school and assumed would never have any interest in me.

Facebook is a social experience if you let it be. It is not easy and I still have to set my limits and continue to enjoy and live my non-virtual life. However, my goal is to truly connect with everyone I be-friend on Facebook. I vow not to friend someone blindly, but to make an effort to really connect with everyone. To post on their "wall," to comment on what they choose to share with the world, to learn more about everyone and to let them know who I really am. I vow not to be the person I have been for much of my life, afraid of being judged and therefore judging of others. Perhaps Facebook is one path towards my own self-discovery. We shall see.

What do you think about Facebook? Is it your friend or foe? Share a comment and let's discuss.

Why Don't We Accept the Answer, "No?"

2009-02-17T15:22:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking about how difficult it is to say, “No.” I am fully aware that it is my responsibility to exercise this right and responsibility. I need to be constantly aware of my own limitations and boundaries and to refuse to take on new responsibilities as they are offered. I do not abdicate my responsibility in this. Do you hear a BUT coming on?

However, I noticed today that the world is filled with people who somehow seem to assume that when a person responds, ‘No!” to a question, they are merely waiting for someone to coax them into an affirmative response. Has this ever happed to you? My epiphany today occurred as I was making copies in the copy-room, which is of course the unofficial meeting place for my office. One of the nurses comes into the room to ask if anyone would like to adopt a cat. The room erupts with people denying interest in the cat. Instead of the conversation ending, one of the nay-sayers seeks to poll the room to find someone else to adopt this cat. I say clearly that I am not interested in another cat. I then spend the next 5 minutes being browbeaten by my co-workers as to why I should adopt this cat. “Your other cat is lonely.” “He clearly is missing other cats.” I waste my time responding to their inquiries and strong suggestions, even though I have already stated I do not want another cat and that I feel overwhelmed with the cat that I do have. Eventually, I leave the room, which is kind of silly since I was the only one in need of the copier at the moment.

I have some suspicions as to why people do not respect a negative answer. In this case, interestingly enough, the person who initiated the query respected my negative response. It was the other targets of the question who threw me, “under the bus.” I suspect many people do this to feel better about their own guilt over saying, “No.” I am not trying to be a mind-reader. I guess I just wanted to remind people that it is cool to respect your friends, co-workers, or even strangers, by allowing them to make their own decisions and to avoid questioning any decisions. Everyone has a right and a responsibility to say, “No,” when they need to but let’s try not to make this even harder for people by forcing then to defend their choices.

Children's Television That Parent's Actually Can Watch Without Dying of Boredom

2009-02-13T21:55:00.000-08:00

I have been noticing that my kids seem to like a lot of shows that I do not fine vile and annoying. I am not sure if this is due to their inherent good taste, or if it is due to some subtle brainwashing over the years from their mother. We do love many PBS shows, but let's start with our favorite, not educational, favorites. So for my friends with kids, here are a few television suggestions for your kids that you might actually not mind watching:

(1) Pucca (http://disney.go.com/disneyxd/#/disneyxd/shows/pucca/) - This is one funny show from Jetix on Disney Channel. Pucca is a little girl who doesn't talk but is in love with Garu, a ninja boy. The show revolves around Pucca chasing Garu. Sounds a bit weird, but it is so funny. The characters are fantastic, from Santa, to Pucca's uncle's who run a noodle house, to the ninja who is always hunting Garu, to so many more. Some of the humor comes from the things spoofed in different shows. For example, in Sooga Size Me, a Texas couple comes to Sooga Village in their huge motorhome and with their horrible American tourist way, insult the culture and then build a restaurant to serve super-sized American versions of Japanese food. Lot's of good sarcastic fun for adults.

(2) Ben 10 and Ben 10: Alien Force (http://www.cartoonnetwork.com/tv_shows/promotion_landing_page/ben10/index.html): My daughter's love Ben 10 of any kind. It is always the first show they request from any backlog of DVR'd episodes. These are shows on Cartoon Network and Ben accidentally becomes the owner of the Omnitrix at age 10 which allows him to turn into 10 different aliens. Helped by his cousin Gwen and his grandfather, they fight evil and have a lot of fun. Ben and Gwen fight like siblings. Grandpa is a smart alien-fighting expert. Interesting aliens, fun, and plenty of sarcasm. Ben 10: Alien Force is a kind of sequel with Ben and Gwen older and still fighting bad guys as teenagers. Thanks to their friend Kevin, lots more sarcastic fun and fighting of bad guys.

(3) Johnny Test (http://www.cartoonnetwork.com/tv_shows/johnnytest/index.html): Another Cartoon Network show, Johnny Test is about a boy who always seems to get in trouble but almost always ends up saving the day too. Johnny is hyper and self-centered, and has two older genius sisters who can invent anything. Everything is against type. Mom works, dad stays-at-home. The sisters are brilliant. Johnny and his talking dog Dukey are lots of snarky fun.

My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist's Personal Journey - Jill Bolte Taylor

2009-02-04T14:40:00.000-08:00

There have been a few biographical books that have struck me with such force that I felt changed by them. Two I remember distinctly because I listened to the audio book versions. The first I remember was Tuesdays with Morrie, by Mitch Albom. I found the book fascinating, but what blew me away was hearing Morrie’s voice speaking some on his wisdom at the end of the book. Hearing an author read their own work or share their story seems to intensify the message. I felt this same way after listening to a more recent book by Jill Bolte Taylor, My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist's Personal Journey.

Dr. Bolte Taylor woke up one morning in 1996 to discover that she was experiencing a rare form of stroke, an arteriovenous malformation (AVM). Three weeks later, she underwent major brain surgery at to remove a golf ball-sized hemorrhage that was placing pressure on the language centers in the left hemisphere of her brain. The first part of the book told who the author was prior to her stroke and then in great detail told what it felt like to have her stroke, made even more fascinating due to her training and career as a neuroanatomist. She watched her mind completely deteriorate to where she could not walk, talk, read, write, or recall any of her life. She than shared her experiences in recovery, from her initial time in the emergency room and eventual surgery to her years of rehabilitation. We learned the details of her recovery, designed primarily by her mother who basically repeated her childhood development. Finally, we heard some of her observations about right and left hemispheric differences.

I thought the book was very readable thanks to the compelling story and Dr. Bolte Taylor’s personality. I found something of value from every part of the book. The description of her stroke and deterioration was a profound explanation of the left and right brain functions. The tale of her rehabilitation highlighted ways we need to change our current methods of stroke rehabilitation. Her observation that her need for sleep was imperative in allowing her brain to heal really hit home how important sleep is to our brain functioning. I even found her observations of life without a left hemisphere made her a better person a good illustration for the benefits of cognitive behavioral therapy and used this in one of my recent discussions with my pain group. I highly recommend this book, and even recommend you try the audio book to hear the story in Dr. Bolte Taylor’s own voice.

Cafe Firenze or Chef Fabio and Top Chef

2009-01-31T22:47:00.001-08:00

My husband and I went out to dinner tonight while my mom watched the girls. After much discussion, we drove over to Moorpark to check out Cafe Firenze which is the restaurant of Fabio Viviani from Top Chef.

The place looked like a zoo but we were given a table immediately. We were seated a few feet from the kitchen which turned out to be one of the best tables in the place. The kitchen was open and had two bars on either side for diners to sit watching the kitchen like dinner theatre. Our table was a small two top a few feet away so you had your own private table but had direct vision of all kitchen activity and Fabio as well as direct view of all food taken out.

The service was pretty good, which seems rare in Ventura County. The food was kind of average although my husband thought it was pretty good compared to typical Simi Valley restaurant options. We had the beef carpaccio for a starter and it was delicious. My husband had gnocchi, which is one of my favorites, but I thought the gnocchi, although light, were mealy and mushy. They came in a pesto, which my husband said was a bit bland. I had the chicken picata which was not bad, but rather average. The chicken was a bit dry too. Dessert was rather good as we shared cannoli, which was plenty for two and was quite yummy and fairly traditional with plent of pistachios for garnish.

All-in-all, we would give it another try but I thought that Fabio's food was a lot like him, more flash than substance.

Major Milestone Moment

2009-01-27T22:39:00.000-08:00

I registered Sofia for kindergarten today! She will start kindergarten in the fall. This is another parenting bittersweet moment. I am so excited that my baby will be starting kindergarten and embarking on her primary education, but saddened that she really is not a baby anymore. It is hard not to be motivated by the decrease in childcare costs as well!

I do wonder how she will do in kindergarten. Sofia has a marvelous loving and joyful spirit. She is sweet and kind and creative. Alas, she is also full of energy and seems to have some focusing issues. She wants to focus on what she wants to when she wants to! I worry that this may be difficult for a kindergarten teacher to handle. She has been known to climb the shelving or the door frames during preschool. Luckily, her preschool just started her spending the morning in the kindergarten class and she seems to be doing well. During this years daily pickups from preschool, I have spent most days arriving with the fear of catching her teacher’s gaze only to find that sad little exasperated head shack, “Rough day today,” or “She did not have her listening ears on today.”

However, since she started half-day kindergarten, I have been noticing more days of, “She had a good day today mom!” or “Come look at her work it is amazing!” She can write her first name in cursive and she is reading books with one-syllable words! I think I am actually looking forward to kindergarten in the fall!

Whirlpool Calypso Dryer R.I.P.

2009-01-24T22:37:00.000-08:00

The clothes dryer died a few days ago. Actually, it has been struggling for the past year, I just kept ignoring it. Clothes have taken longer and longer to dry. Currently, it runs but without any heat. Frankly, with two kids, I find a working washer and dryer to be a necessity. We seem to have tons of laundry daily. As usual, although I would love to have depended on the husband to fix it up, he was on another business trip. So I searched the internet and found a repairman who could come over in the evening and check it out. As I waited 3-4 days for my appointment, I frantically washed as much clothing as I could and hung the clothes but still kind of fluffed them up in my heat-free dryer.

So the repairman can the other night and spent an hour dismantling the dryer only to exclaim, “Oh no!” I called out to him, “That does not sound good?” He proceeded to show me the interior of my dryer, which was filled with black lint. Apparently, we have probably had several dryer fires over the years. The thing is apparently a fire hazard and could have flamed up at any time and we are probably lucky the previous fires did not burn the house down! (And frankly as a working mom, I do run the dryer as I head up to bed at night!) So he decommissioned the dryer and now I have to go shopping for a replacement this weekend. I hate shopping. Ugh. And the really crappy thing…the dryer is only 6 years old!!!!! And it was a fancy higher-end whirlpool model! And I can’t even blame Whirlpool since it seems the people who installed the dryer used a substandard too long vent which contributed to the fires and the people who built our house installed a convoluted venting system from the laundry room to the outside.

The Subtle Knife - Philip Pullman

2009-01-21T13:10:00.000-08:00

The Subtle Knife is the second novel in the His Dark Materials series, written by Philip Pullman, and published in 1997. This is the book that tells the tale of what happens after The Golden Compass. We learn more about the witches, the nature of dust and the Authority (God), Lee Scoresby, and Stanislaus Grumman. In this book, Lyra's adventure continues as she travels from her own world into other worlds; especially one where she meets Will Parry, a boy from our world, and together they search for the boy's lost father. Will finds a passage to an alternate world to escape threats in his own world. Will and Lyra return to our world and meet Dr. Mary Malone who is researching dust in her own world. After exchanging information on dust or perhaps our equivalent, dark matter, Will and Lyra return to the other world and Will comes into possession of the Subtle Knife - a tool that can create portals between worlds and can cut easily through anything, matter or spirit - and he is the only one who can wield it. The children continue their journey together to learn more about dust and to find Will’s father.

I again read this book straight through so I have to say it was an exciting read. However, I did not find it as enchanting as the Golden Compass and I think that may be due to this book being a darker storyline and also less satisfying in plot as it seemed to be a bridge between books 1 and 2. I don’t want to spoil the ending, but I was disappointed in the ending because you know I love a happy ending where happy people end up together. I suspect this series is not going to provide me the ultimate happy ending as i am currently reading The Amber Spyglass, book 3.

Working the Holiday

2009-01-19T13:54:00.000-08:00

There are many wonderful benefits for working for my employer. Unfortunately, the amount of holidays covered is not one of them. I am finding it difficult to concentrate today knowing much of America has the day off to celebrate Dr. Martin Luther King, but I am here working. Now before my readers thnk this is some racial slight, keep in mind my employer only offers 6 holidays each year and there are many other holidays that are slighted as well! Oh well, I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. Alas, I am still struggling with my gratitude.

Try a Little Gratitude (or Love Thy Job)

2009-01-15T22:11:00.001-08:00

I had the chance to talk about gratitude and happiness this week in the support group I run for chronic pain patients. We were planning out some topic ideas for future sessions and I shared my goal for 2009 was "gratitude." It reminded me that gratitude is something I need to practice regularly in the hopes of making it a habit. I've blogged before about the relationship between gratitude and happiness. Let the gratitude begin...

With so many people losing their jobs of late, I have been trying to appreciate the fact that I even have a job. In fact, I am grateful for so many aspects of my work. The following represent, in no particular order, the top ten reasons I love my job:

1. I get to help people, most of which are actually motivated to put in effort, find ways to live better and feel better.
2. I make good money, have great benefits, including plenty of paid time off to enjoy life outside of work.
3. I get paid to do things that are also good for me, like practice and model deep relaxation or meditation techniques.
4. I get to work in a huge hospital close to many resources, and this has even come in handy for my own medical conditions. Come on, who can say they broke an ankle or passed a kidney stone without missing any work!
5. It may be small but I have my own office even though most people in my department have to share space while we await new office space.
6. I get to go to work and every day there are colleagues and friends who are pleasant, friendly, and helpful.
7. I get to work independently, making my own decisions on scheduling, treatment planning, program development.
8. Did I mention the benefits? Over a month of paid leave each year. And being unionized, raises and bonuses annually!
9. If I do not go in to work, people genuinely miss my presence!
10. We only have one staff meeting a month.

Well, these are a few of the things about my job for which I am thankful. My goal is to appreciate my blessings and having a good rewarding job is certainly a major blessing I don't usually appreciate as much as I would like!

The Golden Compass - Philip Pullman

2009-01-14T21:14:00.000-08:00

I have to admit that I never heard of this book or the book series His Dark Materials until I watched the movie with my girls over the holidays on VOD. We enjoyed the movie but the end drove me crazy. I can not stand not knowing what happens and the movie ended with a cliffhanger! Perhaps I am not completely in touch with the movie industry, but it also appeared tome that this movie may not have been as popular as expected and clearly a sequel may never appear. Alas, another set of books to read.

I did read The Golden Compass, which was actually first published as Northern Lights in 1995. The story is set in a parallel universe and tells of Lyra Belacqua's journey north in search of her missing friend, Roger, and her imprisoned father, Lord Asriel, who has been conducting experiments with a mysterious substance known as Dust. In Lyra's world, all humans are born with an animal "partner" called a daemon, sort of a person's external expression of a soul. Hurt a daemon, you hurt their human. Lyra meets many interesting characters on her journey, including Mrs. Coulter (who turns out to be related to Lyra), witches and other supernatural beings, and Iorek Byrnison, an armoured bear. Given a special instrument, an alethiometer, Lyra learns to use it on her journey. The alethiometer can tell the truth, if you ask the right questions and you learn how to read the answers.

The story was pretty compelling and moved very fast. The characters were interesting although many were not very likeable or loveable. Lyra, however, is very loyal, and she grows on you throughout the book to become a fairly interesting and compelling heroine. I must admit the ending surprised me. Both times actually, during the movie and then again in the book. And both times I was sucked in and had to know what happened next. So I purchased Book 2: The Subtle Knife.

I am not sure yet how I would ultimately rate this book or the series. However, I must admit once I started the book I felt compelled to read it to the end and I was always guessing what would happen next. Therefore, I have to recommend this book as a good read.

the host - Stephenie Meyer

2009-01-13T13:56:00.000-08:00

I wanted to hate this book. Frankly, I only read it because it was by Stephenie Meyer and I did end up really liking the twilight series. The thought of a parasite in my body, much less an alien taking over your body, is pretty repellent. Yet, I did like the book and I came to love the characters, especially the main character, you guessed it: a parasite. I am more impressed by Stephenie Meyers after this book since she was able to take a pretty toxic premise and come up with a book that kept me interested right up to the last page.

In summary, the book is told primarily through the eyes of an alien creature, a Soul. Souls are creatures that rely upon host bodies to survive. After insertion, they erase any mental presence of the being there prior and establish a claim over the body and mind. Upon waking inside her new body, Wanderer (or Wanda as she is eventually know by the humans) is shocked by the vividness of human emotions, memories, and senses, and the discovery that the host, Melanie, is not willing to give up her mind. Melanie is one of few "wild" humans - rebels who have evaded the alien souls that have taken over the Earth. With her younger brother Jamie and the man she loves, Jared, Mel is on the run from souls who hunt down host bodies for use.

Wanda, bombarded by Melanie’s memories and feelings, learns to love the humans, and eventually they make their way to the rebel hideaway of Melanie’s uncle, where Jamie and Jared are living. She lives with the rebels, initially treated spitefully as a “parasite,” the humans come to appreciate Wanda as an individual in her own right and an ally. I don’t want to spoil the ending, but I could not figure out how the story would end without an end to Melanie or Wanda. However, the ending although feeling a bit abrupt, was quite satisfying.

The female characters are a bit passive, which seems common with Stephenie Meyer’s work thus far. However, the women are still strong and compelling and the themes of selflessness, community, and kindness toward one's enemies are prominent throughout the novel, which makes for an interesting take on what makes one human.

2008 in Perspective

2009-01-07T13:47:00.000-08:00

My Goal for 2008:

happiness
n. joy, the emotion of being happy.
n. Good luck; good fortune; prosperity.
n. An agreeable feeling or condition of the soul arising from good fortune or propitious happening of any kind; the possession of those circumstances or that state of being which is attended enjoyment; the state of being happy; contentment; joyful satisfaction; felicity; blessedness.
n. Fortuitous elegance; unstudied grace; — used especially of language.

I noticed that I had a goal on my blog for 2008 and this lead me to think what my new goal would be. On one hand, I don't think I fully achieved my 2008 goal so i could just continue the same goal forward to 2009. However, I think a new year is a good time to reassess needs and goals, and I decided to refocus my goal this year. My new goal for 2009 is more along the lines of gratitude, appreciation, and thankfulness. If you have read some of my blog posts from November you might notice these goals do align. I suspect being more in the moment of my life and appreciating the good already in my life is a better path to achieve some measure of happiness that sticks!

I hope to do some focused posting on some of the things I am grateful for in the future. Watch for it!

Red Beans and Rice

2009-01-02T21:24:00.000-08:00

Well, after the botched meal yesterday, I decided I needed to redeem myself today and since I had the day off, I made a huge crock-pot full of red beans for dinner tonight. I must compliment myself and say they turned out pretty yummy. I did not make them as spicy as last time (which was a bit sad for the hubby and me, but this meant the girls actually ate them up and we can always add a little hot sauce to spice it up!). This time I used some chicken andouille sausage, leftover ham, and some sweet Italian sausage. They simmered all day and made the house smell spicy and delicious. Tonight for dinner, all I had to do was steam up some rice for dinner. Well, I made some garlic bread with my leftover French bread too. I might post my recipe some time. Red Beans and Rice is one of my favorite Southern meals and something I miss about Mississippi.

Happy New Year!

2009-01-01T22:38:00.000-08:00

It has been a nice quiet New Year with the Flores Family. My parents watched the girls last night and I made dinner at home for Carlos and me. I have to admit I was impressed with myself for our dinner last night. After a full day’s work, then commute home only to pack up the girls and take them over to my parents, I cooked a yummy dinner. I made great shrimp scampi, with some pasta aglio e olio, green beans, and French bread. It was so good; I could eat it every day. Then I made dark chocolate fondue with bananas, angel food cake, biscotti, and fresh strawberries. It was delicious and easy to make. It made me wonder why I usually fail to cook dinner on weeknights or cook crap when I am capable for so much more!!

New years Day was also at home. I invited my parents over for dinner and we had ham. Now this meal was a bit of a mess. I planned my menu and seemed to forget I only have one oven. Now with the huge ham Carlos cooking monopolizing the entire oven, my potatoes au gratin sat and sat until the ham was finished. The ham for some reason took much longer than anticipated to get to temperature. Therefore, we all were starving waiting for the ham to be finished, only to then have to wait for the potatoes to cook. Dinner was very late, and the potatoes were undercooked when I finally gave up and said, “We have to eat now!” We played the Wii for hours while we waited for dinner. My parents said dinner was wonderful, but I am pretty sure they were just being nice.

The Southern Vampire Mysteries - Charlaine Harris

2008-12-28T15:01:00.000-08:00

I finished all of Charlaine Harris’s Southern Vampire Mysteries books in December. Well, all of the books that she has published to date. After enjoying the HBO series TrueBlood, I realized I needed to read the books upon which the television show was based. I have posted a bit about my fascination with TrueBlood. I find the television show strangely addicting, with quirky characters and an interesting spin on vampire lore. I was not sure what I would find in the books about Sookie Stackhouse.

Well, the books were even more addictive than the television series! Luckily, I bought the first seven books in a bundle for my Ereader on my phone: Dead Until Dark, Living Dead in Dallas, Club Dead, Dead to the World, Dead as a Doornail, Definitely Dead, and Altogether Dead. So I obsessively read one book after another in any free time I had. I read through lunches, in waiting rooms, during my daughter’s karate classes, and after they went to bed. I probably read all seven in a few days! Then after I finished book seven I went through withdrawal, until I located a copy of Book 8: From Dead to Worse, as an audio book for free download from my local library. (And that was interesting, I am not sure I would have liked it as much if I hadn’t already read the first seven. I just did not care for the voice of the person reading the book and she made Sookie seem trashier and less intelligent somehow.) However, now I am depressed, with no more books to obsessively read until the ninth book comes out in May, Dead and Gone. Although I did read the first chapter at Charlaine Harris’s website: http://www.charlaineharris.com/deadandgone.html

The series is a first-person account of Sookie Stackhouse's life as a barmaid and telepath in the fictional town of Bon Temps, Louisiana. The series is full of quirky characters, the most interesting is always Sookie, herself. Sookie is a telepath and her ability to read minds leads her on some fascinating and scary adventures and we learn throughout the books about all the various kinds of supernatural (or “supes”) beings that inhabit the human world. In addition to the vampires, there are shapeshifters of various types, faeries, and more. The twists and turns of navigating the supernatural world when you are human is pretty fascinating and Charlaine Harris must have a fantastic imagination and creative mind. In spite of the interesting supernatural characters, Sookie is by far the most fascinating character. You would think an uneducated Southern White barmaid to be pretty boring, but Sookie is intelligent, loyal, strong, passionate, and very human. She makes mistakes but ultimately does amazing things. I love characters with real feelings and flaws who triumph in the end. I would recommend this series to anyone unreservedly.

Snow Day

2008-12-20T22:20:00.000-08:00

My wonderful husband had the great idea to take a spontaneous trip to the snow today. We got up early, drove to Big Bear, and spent the day at Snow Valley. We did not go to ski this trip, but spent the day at their sled park. The sled park is a big hill with multiple toboggan-style sled runs. They provide big sleds roomy enough for two and…a snow lift! It is the best part of sledding with half the work! No dragging sleds or kids up steep hills! And the ski lift is fun in itself, with great views and peace between speedy sled runs. The girls had a fabulous time and so did I. The only down side was the traffic to get to Big Bear the last few miles up into the mountain. I hope we can afford a ski trip this year, but sledding is pretty fun to and takes very little skill!

Sofia’s Fieldtrip to See Bolt at the El Capitan

2008-12-16T22:09:00.000-08:00

Sofia went on her first major fieldtrip today at the preschool. She did go to the pumpkin patch in October but today her school took a trip down to Hollywood to the El Capitan Theatre to see Bolt in 3D. She seemed to enjoy it but I keep finding myself questioning the school’s choice for a fieldtrip. For those of you who have never been to the El Capitan, it is a bit of an experience: a movie theatre in the “old style” run by Disney. The theatre is grand with a fantastic multiple opening curtain and in addition, they usually have some sort of floorshow prior to the performance. When we saw HSM3, the show was lame with some kids chosen to do a game for prizes. For Bolt, there was a big Christmas-themed live action show with Disney characters, dancers, and even some Princesses.

It can be a fun but expensive experience. Open seating starts around $15. They have reserved VIP seating that runs around $25, I think. I can see this as a good venue for a fieldtrip, but not really for a bunch of 3- and 4-year-olds! Why take a large group of little kids, put them on a school bus for an hour drive to a movie theatre in the heart of Hollywood only to put them back on the bus for another hour drive home. I just do not get it. My daughter would have been excited about a trip to the local Regal to see Bolt as long as she could ride on a bus. Perhaps I am just a Scrooge, but I do not get it!

To Quote a Friend, "I've lost that blogging feeling."

2008-12-15T17:18:00.001-08:00

Where has the month gone? I was so motivated to blog every day in November and now it has been half a month since I blogged at all! I can only plead the holidays but really I know from November that if I were committed to daily blogging I would have found the time. I will work on finding some peaceful place in between blogging daily and blogging infrequently.

I have been busy getting ready for Christmas. I put up the tree and Carlos put up the outside lights. The girls helped me decorate the tree. That means many ornaments in big bunches. It still looks beautiful. I'll try to post some pictures. I have most of the shopping done and just have a lot of wrapping to do. I need to get prepared for Christmas Eve dinner. All-in-all, I am feeling more prepared than overwhelmed at present.

The Last Blog Post

2008-11-30T20:15:00.000-08:00

of NaBloPoMo 2008 that is! I, for one, am so happy because it was kind of hard. But I survived and I did blog every day for an entire month. I hope I did not subject anyone to too many boring posts. I do feel that there were some posts that were a waste of my time and yours and I am not sure every post was either entertaining or meaningful in some way and to be honest, I'd love to accomplish both in every post.

I am not sure I will continue to blog daily. I think it is a worthwhile goal. Although blogging may allow me to get my thoughts out there, I need to focus on living and many days I just don't have time to blog. I do feel I improve with practice and perhaps in time I can better carry on with a daily blogging goal with better grace and output. But for now, this blog will return to a blog post every few days schedule. Thanks for bearing with me if you have been along for the ride.

Belated Turkey Day

2008-11-29T21:38:00.001-08:00

I was trying to think of something meaningful to blog about today and still seem to be struggling. I spent most of the day catching up on laundry and cooking a belated Thanksgiving dinner. I made roast turkey, stuffing, gravy, mashed potatoes, smashed sweet potatoes, green bean casserole, and pumpkin pie. I so wish I could actually cook Thanksgiving dinner but can't seem to make it work with other family commitments so I usually cook my own turkey dinner belatedly. I invited my parents and they seemed to enjoy it but that could be because they were served tacos at their Thanksgiving meal on Thursday (I should blog about that but am afraid to offend the family!).

I want to keep working on my gratitude initiative but am finding it difficult today when I cooked all day, watched 2 kids, and then still had to clean everything up myself. Well let's try...I am thankful I could afford to cook a roast turkey dinner just because I felt like it. I am thankful I have a family with whom to enjoy my dinner. I am thankful all the dishes are done.

It's Black Friday

2008-11-28T20:05:00.001-08:00

or the day after Thanksgiving and I just could not make myself go shopping. I did drive to the mall but made my mom stay in the car with the girls so I could run in and pick up our pictures from J C Penney Photo Studio. I did buy a few things on amazon.com (one of my favorite stores). I wonder who actually does brave the stores on Black Friday and do they actually obtain monetary savings that are worth their effort. It sure isn't me. I don't even like shopping when there aren't crowds. I'd love to be able to avoid any shopping trips from Thanksgiving until after New Years.

Thanksgiving

2008-11-27T21:50:00.001-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving! I am full of turkey and pumpkin pie but I wanted to take some time to review what I am thankful for today. Did you ever have to relate what you were thankful for at Thanksgiving dinner? I am not sure when gratitude took a back seat to turkey but for me a goal I am working on is cultivating thankfulness back into my life so let's start today.

I am thankful for my family. My smart and beautiful husband. My bright sweet Emma and my energetic loving Sofia. My helpful and supportive parents.

I am thankful for my job that allows me to help others and support my family with what we need to survive and to thrive.

I am thankful for my many wonderful friends who seem to understand I love them more than I ever say or show.

I am thankful for a comfortable home which helps me feel safe and at peace most days.

I am thankful for the beauty in our environment, the sky, the mountains, the ocean. The earth is a beautiful place.

I am thankful for books. I love them all. They have given me much joy for many years.

I am thankful for Jeopardy. I know it is silly but it makes me feel good when I know more questions than the contestants!

I am thankful for the invention of Ipods, my treo, podcasts, and other technology.

I am thankful for sleep and plan to enjoy that activity right now. Good night!

Gratitude

2008-11-26T17:40:00.001-08:00

I have been thinking about gratitude. There appears to be more and more research showing that being grateful or counting your blessings is a more direct path to happiness. I have read the studies and perhaps I'll try to summarize it in a blog later but today I was noticing a more real life observation.

I noticed today that every day I drive my car and I frequently think, "I love my car!" Now, I do love my car but I don't usually have this recurrent thought on a daily basis. However, since I blogged about my car, this fact has changed. Counting the things I love about my car has cemented and perhaps magnified my auto love.

I am thinking about experimenting with this experience and doing some future blogs about feelings I'd like to cultivate. I will share the outcome in time. But perhaps you might like to try this yourself. Blog about someone you should appreciate more like a friend, relative, a husband. Blog about your stressful job. Remind yourself about the good things around you rather than your complaints.

All I Want for Christmas...

2008-11-25T19:52:00.000-08:00

Is my baby's two front teeth! Emma lost her other front tooth just a few days after the first. Actually, she probably doesn't want them to grow in any time soon. She seems quite proud of her gap-toothed grin.

My biking babe

2008-11-24T17:23:00.001-08:00

We took the girls out to ride bikes again yesterday. Emma is making amazing progress on riding without training wheels. She started the day quite wobbly but eventually had Carlos just running along the bike.

Easy Rider or How to Face your Fears

2008-11-23T18:39:00.001-08:00

I don't recall if I have blogged at all on my husband's motorcycle. Bought a few years ago, it has pretty quickly become his favorite activity. Touring is his favorite pastime and he like to take long rides. His most recent was a long ride to Monterey for a business trip.

I am not sure how I feel about the motorcycle. Ultimately, I believe my husband is an adult and it is his right to do what pleases him. However, it does scare the crap out of me. I see many clients with horrible injuries or chronic pain thanks to a motorcycle. I do know Carlos is responsible and and he is not careless when he rides.

The fact that my husband rides a motorcycle is actually easier to live with than his interest in me riding with him.

Now riding on the back of a motorcycle is not without pleasure. It can be exhilarating to feel the speed and the wind. However, you also have NO control. You aren't driving. The only thing that keeps you on the bike is your weight and your grip. The gear is heavy and constricting. Sitting up straight feels precarious and uncomfortable yet leaning forward to grab a husband or the tank bag for security leaves your spine hunched and uncomfortable. The balance of the bike is determined by the passenger as much as the driver so you can't completely tune out. You need to lean into the pavement during turns, a very counter-intuitive movement to lean toward the ground!

Today with the girls at my parent's, we rode from Simi to Malibu, taking Topanga Canyon out and Malibu Canyon back in and then the freeways back to Simi. I felt sore at times, experienced motion-sickness in the hills, but ultimately found some peace.

I should mention I am not sure I want to get better on the bike. A part of me does it to try to spend time with my husband at something he loves and a part of me does it to confront my fears. I think facing some of my major fears is good for me and this activity challenges many of my lifelong fears: my fear of doing things when I have little or no control, my fear of crashing and burning, my fear of heights (at least on those mountain roads), my fear of relying completely on anyone but myself, and my fear of speed, to name but a few. I did not conquer these fears today but I did confront them and feel a little less afraid of them today.

Quantum of Solace

2008-11-22T22:15:00.001-08:00

I went to see James Bond tonight with my husband. I wanted to see Twilight but frankly was not motivated to wait in line. Quantum of Solace was pretty good. I think Daniel Craig is the best 007 since Sean Connery. He is much more interesting than the boring actors in between.

The movie was pretty entertaining but my husband said it would have been better if I hadn't laughed so much. He claims it was not a comedy but I disagree somewhat. I mean, come on, it was way too predictable. All James Bond movies are. I could not help laughing whenever 007 did exactly what every person in the theater was expecting. I could not help it. I did not mean to be annoying. Oh well, we were stuck in the second row so I only had a few theater-goers I might have offended. Well, them and my husband.

Goodreads

2008-11-21T21:00:00.000-08:00

So my new sort of worthless obsession seems to be http://goodreads.com. It is a kind of social networking site for readers. You can list the books you have read or are reading or plan to read. You can review books and share your books with your friends. I am currently addicted to the site. I am a bit afraid because it really does not seem to serve much purpose in my life to catalog the books I have read over my lifetime. In fact, some of the time, I wonder how many years of my life have been spent reading rather than living. I wonder how that fits into my happiness search/debate. I think when you read you are being a passive observer of life, but some books have given me genuine periods of happiness. A good book can be read over and over and always has something new to give. But is this the same as happiness gained from doing something active? I really don't know but I do know I can't live without reading.

Twilight - Stephenie Meyer

2008-11-20T19:20:00.000-08:00

I thought in honor of the Twilight movie coming out I would give my review of the book. I had heard a few people discussing this series. I briefly toyed with joining a book club and heard they were making this the pick for October. I downloaded this book to my ereader and ended up reading it in one day. I then went to Amazon.com and purchased the other 3 books and once they came in I read them back to back until I had read them all. I can't recall how long it took me, but I am sure it was less than a week. I have a book reading addiction. When a book captures my interest I am compelled to read until finished, sleep be damned.

I never quite know how much to say in a book review. I hate to spoil the story for readers wondering whether a book is worth the read. However, I myself love to see a good book synopsis . Let's see how I do.

First, this was Stephenie Meyer's debut novel about a seventeen year old girl named Bella. Bella moves from Phoenix to Forks, Washington to live with her dad, Charlie. In a twist on a new girl in school plot, Bella meets Edward Cullen at school who peaks her interest by appearing to hate her on sight. She observes his unnaturally beautiful family as well. We also meet Jacob Black, an old childhood playmate and family friend, who lives on the local Native American reservation and in time will factor into the the story more prominently in future books. Of course, in time, Bella learns Edward does not hate her and he and his family are indeed vampires. Thus begins a pretty good tale of love between a different type of "star-crossed lovers."

I wanted to dislike this book and I am sure it is far from perfect but the characters were both likable and interesting. Bella is an interesting supposed outsider who seems likable to most everyone. The Cullens are beautiful yet flawed, a strange loving vampire "family." I did enjoy Twilight. I think I liked it the least of her other books, but after reading them all it is difficult to remember how I felt after reading Twilight the first time. All-in-all, I think it was a good introduction to the major series characters, but really a lite appetizer. I encourage you to commit to reading the whole series. Definitely another good escapist read!

Suggestions for Finding that Elusive Concept - Happiness

2008-11-19T14:51:00.001-08:00

I found these suggestions for finding happiness or life satisfaction from psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky (Lyubomirsky, S. (2005, January 17). Eight steps toward a more satisfying life. Time, 165, A8-A9.).

1. Count your blessings. One way to do this is with a "gratitude journal" in which you write down three to five things for which you are currently thankful—from the mundane (your peonies are in bloom) to the magnificent (a child's first steps). Do this once a week, say, on Sunday night. Keep it fresh by varying your entries as much as possible.

2. Practice acts of kindness. These should be both random (let that harried mom go ahead of you in the checkout line) and systematic (bring Sunday supper to an elderly neighbor). Being kind to others, whether friends or strangers, triggers a cascade of positive effects—it makes you feel generous and capable, gives you a greater sense of connection with others and wins you smiles, approval and reciprocated kindness—all happiness boosters.

3. Savor life's joys. Pay close attention to momentary pleasures and wonders. Focus on the sweetness of a ripe strawberry or the warmth of the sun when you step out from the shade. Some psychologists suggest taking "mental photographs" of pleasurable moments to review in less happy times.

4. Thank a mentor. If there's someone whom you owe a debt of gratitude for guiding you at one of life's crossroads, don't wait to express your appreciation—in detail and, if possible, in person. 5. Learn to forgive. Let go of anger and resentment by writing a letter of forgiveness to a person who has hurt or wronged you. Inability to forgive is associated with persistent rumination or dwelling on revenge, while forgiving allows you to move on.

6. Invest time and energy in friends and family. Where you live, how much money you make, your job title and even your health have surprisingly
small effects on your satisfaction with life. The biggest factor appears to be strong personal relationships.

7. Take care of your body. Getting plenty of sleep, exercising, stretching, smiling and laughing can all enhance your mood in the short term. Practiced regularly, they can help make your daily life more satisfying.

8. Develop strategies for coping with stress and hardships. There is no avoiding hard times. Religious faith has been shown to help people cope, but so do the secular beliefs enshrined in axioms like "This too shall pass" and "That which doesn't kill me makes me stronger." The trick is that you have to believe them.

Nothing of Much Importance

2008-11-18T21:05:00.000-08:00

Okay I got nothing today. I am tired and just spent 2 hours cleaning out the dryer vents because they appeared clogged and the laundry room smells like burnt clothing. I must have emptied out 6+ years of lint. Instead of exiting the vents, it just appeared to have stayed there acumulating.

So after cleaning the vents, I was filthy and had to take a shower and then bathe the girls. I wish I could think of anything to blog about more interesting than this but I am just too tired.

Here are a few pictures of the girls from our Sunday trip to the mall play area:

Brisinger - Christopher Paolini

2008-11-17T19:33:00.001-08:00

I finally finished Brisinger last night. I stayed up until almost 2 a.m. I was kind of surprised it took me a week to read. When I used to find a new book I was excited to read, I would read it all in one sitting in a few hours. I guess this is my new reading style -- reading after you have kids just takes longer.

Now for my review...I found this book, a great addition to the series. This is Book 3 in Paolini's Inheritance Cycle. The series is set in the fictional world of Alagaësia, and it follows Eragon and his dragon Saphira, one of the few remaining Dragon Riders, a legendary group who governed the land in times past but were almost completely destroyed by a Rider named Galbatorix and the Forsworn, who all betrayed their fellow Riders by being allied with Galbatorix. Eragon or Book 1 told the story of Eragon finding Saphira's egg and her hatching, his early training by Brom, one of the last free dragonriders who lost his dragon at the hands of Morzan, one of Galbatorix's forsworn dragonriders. Book 1 follows Eragon through his joining with the rebel forces, the Varden, their allies, the dwarves and the elves. The book ends with a mighty battle with Eragon triumphant but wounded.

Book 2 or Eldest follows Eragon and Saphira through continued training with an ancient elf and dragon, the tales of Eragon's cousin Roran, and the return of Eragon's friend Murtagh, son of Morzan, who has been given a dragon Thorn and forced to serve Galbatorix. Morzan defeats Eragon but ultimately let's him go only after revealing they are brothers, both sons of Morzan and Selena, Morzan's lover and "Black Hand."

Brisinger or Book 3 continues the story further. Eragon helps Roran find his beloved and they return to the Varden. We follow more of Roran's life as he fights for the Varden and marries his love. I don't want to spoil it but the author does a great job of showing Eragon's continued growth. We see and learn more of Eragon and his mother and father. Eragon and Saphira uncover more details about dragons and Galbatorix that may be helpful in the future. I found the book entertaining but it did feel more like a long set up for the final book with more disjointed travels and less drama in the final battle than usual. Don't get me wrong, I was still drawn to the story but it flowed less than the earlier books. However, there were some satisfying nuggets of information to add to the satisfaction including Eragon's parentage and his search for a sword. All in all, a good read, but more of an appetizer to the real meal of Book 4.

A side note: Although I loved the Harry Potter series even more than these books, I am always amazed Christopher Paolini created this world, these characters, these books, while still a teenager. This series is amazing for anyone to have created in their head much less a teen!

HSM3 Senior Year!

2008-11-16T21:32:00.001-08:00

Together, together, together everyone
Together, together, come on lets have some fun!
Together, were there for each other every time
Together together come on lets do this right!

For those of you without children or living under a rock, that's from the million dollar High School Musical phenomenon. Emma and I saw HSM3 yesterday at the El Capitan in Hollywood. Okay, it is commercial and over the top, but we loved it! It was cute. The music was still a lot of fun and hey Kenny Ortega direction and choreography. How can you pass that up?

I spent half the movie entertained, one quarter of the movie enthralled with my daughter and her friends (more on that to come), and one quarter fighting my urge to be cynical and criticize the storyline (okay come on I doubt Stanford would schedule some honors program for incoming freshman in June so students have to miss prom and graduation, please!).

Now Emma is 7 and I heard her and her friends discussing how hot Zac is but my favorite anecdote from the film was following the first major kiss between Gabriella and Troy. We all heard a major chorus of "Eww!" from Emma and her friends. As I laughed out loud, I also thanked God that my girl is still my little girl!

I love my car!

2008-11-15T21:42:00.001-08:00

Okay. I bet there aren't many people who love their four-year-old dented car, but I love my car. I drive a black Honda Pilot. It is a 2004 and it was used when I found it three years ago. Okay, to be honest, my husband found it on Ebay and I wasn't too pleased with him at the time because it was black and dented and he bought it anyway. Fortunately, he was right and I learned to love it. I even kind of love the dent because the biggest blemish on the exterior was not caused by me!

So how do I love my car, let me count the ways:

10. My car is the perfect size. Although I can fit all of our camping gear in the back or fit 8 people, it does not look huge or feel huge to drive.
9. The cargo bay is huge and with all the seats down I have hauled furniture of all sizes and plenty of home improvement supplies from Home Depot. And it still has the beautiful third row seat that unfolds from the floor.
8. I get great gas mileage for an SUV.
7. I love my gray leather seats. They are so soft.
6. Four Wheel Drive. Okay I know it is not a necessity where I live, but hey it has taken me to many rough camp grounds, Big Bear, Mammoth, Yosemite, and I have never gotten stuck anywhere. After sliding all over the place in snow and ice in Mississippi, I have no desire of ever experiencing that again and with my Pilot and 4 wheel drive I have no fear of sliding down a hill ever again.
5. My car has this great sunglasses holder in the ceiling so I always have a safe place for them and they are always easy to find.
4. The DVD player is one of the most amazing additions to a car. Come on, once you have kids you never experience peace while driving. The DVD player has allowed me to enjoy long car rides with some quiet, or the opportunity to actually talk to my husband uninterrupted, or actually listen to music of my own choice!
3. The seat warmers! Oh my gosh, a warm tush on a cold night is amazing!
2. Did I mention the DVD player has wireless headphones for the kids? Peace and quiet in the car, can you imagine?
1. It has this great open area between the 2 front seats that perfectly holds my purse and has plenty of room for 2 cupholders, two power outlets for a phone and something else, a change holder, and some CDs.

So I promise I have not received any incentives for blogging about my Honda Pilot. I just love my car!

Should I Rethink the Happiness Goal?

2008-11-14T21:58:00.001-08:00

Happiness has been my goal for 2008. It seemed like a worthwhile pursuit. I have spent years pursuing education, career, money, accomplishments, etc. I spent years pursuing perfection, a pretty futile task. Happiness seemed like something to work towards. I have read the research and been fascinated on the variables we used to think important that don't determine happiness and the variables that do.

Then I listened to a podcast today that has me rethinking my goal. The podcast was Words to Mouth by Carrie Runnals and it involved her interview with Eric Weiner, the author who wrote The Geography of Bliss. He pointed out some important observations.

I might be going about it all wrong. Mr. Weiner pointed out that Americans seem to suffer from the "unhappiness of not being happy." He observed that other countries obsess about happiness less and tend to be happier for it. He spoke about the great paradox of happiness. It may not be something you can obtain. "You can't really chase it. It's a by-product, a very pleasant side effect to a life lived well."

So it seems plausible and I am thinking happiness may not be the best goal. It may be something I can not plan for and accomplish. I need to approach it "from the side like a crab." I looked this up and this observation is by John Stuart Mill, who said that happiness is something that comes to you "by the way in the pursuit of some other worthy end."

Look ma! No tooth!

2008-11-13T20:48:00.001-08:00

My darling first born lost her front tooth. It is only her third lost tooth and the first on the top tier. She is so excited. It will only be the second time the tooth fairy will visit as tooth #2 was really lost while on the camping trip from hell last May.

blink - Malcolm Gladwell

2008-11-12T17:49:00.001-08:00

I have to say I have crush on Malcolm Gladwell. His books have seduced me and I think he must be brilliant to have written such fascinating books about such interesting subjects. blink is my favorite and the first book of his I had read. blink is about rapid thinking. As he puts it, it is about the thinking you do in the "blink of an eye."

It is about the two seconds we use at first exposure to anything to come to an immediate conclusion. Malcolm Gladwell wrote a whole book about those two seconds, because he thinks those instant conclusions that we reach are really powerful, important, and often, really good.

The book explores those two seconds. What is going on inside our heads when we engage in rapid cognition? When are snap judgments good and when are they not? What kinds of things can we do to make our powers of rapid cognition better?

And I have to say he makes his case, answers those questions, and answers even more questions by the end of the book. He uses fascinating real-world situations and data. I don't want to spoil it for you. I guarantee you won't regret reading the book.

Digging through my crappy day to find something blog worthy and failing!

2008-11-11T23:28:00.001-08:00

Blogging every day is much more difficult than I had thought. I had a rough day today. No major crises, just unexpected nuiscences all day long. The last thing I felt like doing tonight was blogging. Yet here I am blogging on my phone at the last minute to keep up with my commitment to NaBloPoMo!

I wish I had more of import to say. I really just want to vent and go to bed. I had many consults today. Thanks to the stupid mandatory fire safety class on Thursday I had to run my Pain group twice as long to make up for being unavailable for Thursday. Then a group patient had a minor crisis. A department patient I did not know chose to have a major tantrum and cuss out the staff outside my office as I tried to leave. I left work about 45 minutes late but add that to my commute back home and to pick up the girls and I missed my pilates class. Too late to stop at store so had to create dinner out of leftovers yet again. The girls were cranky. The husband was distant. The ending insult was taking my contacts out to find my eyes seem to be irritated by allergy or infection. Please God, let it be allergy.

At least the day will be over in less than an hour and we start fresh tomorrow! Good night.

What's For Dinner?

2008-11-10T17:58:00.001-08:00

So I am sitting here at karate pondering the age-old question for all working parents, "What's for dinner?" I thought I had it all figured out. No I did not cook or fill the crockpot. I had not even defrosted some protein. What I thought I had planned is my ever popular "leftover night." You know, the night you empty the frig with all the leftovers from the week and let everyone pick their favorite? Unfortunately, my husband shows up to karate to inform me he has eaten all my prized leftovers over the past few days for lunch and midnite snacks! Argh! Now I am back to what the heck can I make for dinner fast with the limited food I have at home? I'm thinking takeout!

Do you Remember Learning to Ride a Bike?

2008-11-09T21:45:00.000-08:00

Emma has been working on it with a lot of help from Carlos. She is working so hard and I don't remember it being so difficult. Which makes me wonder just how accurate my memories are! I know it must have been so difficult to learn how to balance on a two-wheeler. I am so impressed with Emma for challenging her fears and working so hard every day to master the bike. I should have taken more pictures, but here is the only one I could find:

True Blood Revisited

2008-11-08T20:47:00.000-08:00

So I have been trying to catch up on my DVR'd episodes of True Blood. It is not for lack of interest. It is just a bit difficult to find time to watch when you really can't have your kids in the room.

I still find myself intrigued by the show. I want to hate it. So many of the characters are depraved. But again, everyone is so decidedly complex. The vampires are pretty horrific except for Bill, but then most of the humans are pretty sadistic too. I think I like it for the complex characters and the unpredictability. I can usually anticipate most shows' story lines. I like being surprised. I have to say most of the episode ending cliff hangers surprise me and keep me anticipating the next episode.

I was thinking that the series had a lot in common with the Twilight vampire books. They do have some superficial similarities, but the characters seem drastically different. Although I heard True Blood is also based on a series of books and I wonder how close the television series is to the books. I am not convinced the upcoming Twilight movie will do the book justice. They never do. Perhaps True Blood is more influenced by HBO than the books? I guess I might have to check out the books.

Lazy Day at Home

2008-11-07T22:10:00.001-08:00

I took an education day today to complete some continuing education hours for my license. I finished my course in the morning and figured I would catch up around the house. Instead, I spent half the day sleeping!

I haven't been sleeping well and I think my body overrid my brain. I did force myself to get up in time to pick up the girls from their schools and cook dinner.

Ten years of debt!

2008-11-06T22:04:00.000-08:00

I just realized it has been over ten years since I graduated from Ole Miss. It seems like yesterday at times but also a lifetime away. The scary fact for my was realizing this week that I had finally paid offmy last remaining student loan. Ten years of payments are finally over. I don't know whether to be excited it is over or depressed over the fact I spent ten years repaying one huge debt. Unfortunately, the depression seems stronger than the excitement. This may be due to the relatively low payment of my last remaining student loan. I am only going to gain an extra $150 a month by paying this one off!

The Karate Kids

2008-11-05T22:21:00.000-08:00

Some pictures from karate class. Here is Emma working on a kata and sparring with a classmate:

Here is Sofia working on her kicks:

Wow looking at the photos I am convinced my children are karate prodigies. Okay, now watching them in class is another story. In reality, Sofia spends some classes working fairly well and others talking to her peers, other parents, or dancing around the room. Emma does pretty well, but also seems pretty easily distracted and seems to have difficulty telling her right hand from her left. I am pretty sure she inherited that from me.

Our Next President Barack Obama!

2008-11-04T21:18:00.000-08:00

I can't believe I am crying. I never realized how apathetic I have felt about politics, the presidency, our country. It seemed pointless to expect hope in a better future. It is true that when you feel hopeless it is hard to even imagine what hope feels like. However, tonight I feel hope. I am proud to be an American tonight. Not only have I lived to experience the first African-American president, I finally feel we have a president we can respect.

That is all I want to say tonight. I just want to enjoy this new feeling of hope and pride in America.

No on Prop. 8

2008-11-04T07:40:00.000-08:00

Okay, I am kind of ticked off that the google ad running on my blog right now is to support marriage rights and urging people to vote yes on Prop. 8. I do support marriage rights, basically the right for anyone to marry regardless of gender or sexuality!!! Do they assume because I am a mom and identify myself as such I am against homosexuality or non-traditional marriage? Hey, live your life and do what makes you happy, but I do support Equality for All!

Karate and Survivor

2008-11-03T20:26:00.000-08:00

Okay, I had to share my daughter's latest anecdote from karate. After their lessons today, each of my daughters received a signed picture from Bruce Kanegai, their karate instructor. I thought it a bit strange at first, but later realized that both of my daughters thought it pretty cool. This is interesting since both of them hardly even know the show Survivor, much less watched the season that their instructor was actually on!

Eat Pray Love - Elizabeth Gilbert

2008-11-02T20:30:00.000-08:00

I finished reading the book, Eat Pray Love, by Elizabeth Gilbert. I have to admit that I had heard of the book but had no interest in reading until I spent a day home sick and watched an Oprah episode with the author. I found her very genuine and I became intrigued by the book. I placed a hold for it at the local library and when it finally came in, I read it in a few days.

Overall, I did enjoy the book. It really made me think. I am not sure that it helped me through my own crisis of faith. However, it did reinforce some of my recent thoughts on the meaning of life, faith, pleasure, growth, etc. Her writing was very engaging. She wrote with intelligence but also with beauty and sincerity. Every part of her journey made me want to experience my own journey to the places she visited and other unknown places.

She shared a spiritual journey, but unlike other less engaging memoirs, she filled this journey with real people and therefore, for me, the journey was more memorable and intriguing. I would like to be the kind of person who would seek meditation in India, but doubt that is who I am. However, this book made me aware that I might be more than who I think I am at this moment. I like that this book made me aware of the unknown possibilities in life.

Halloween 2008

2008-11-01T15:28:00.000-07:00

Halloween is over but we all had a great night. We decided to celebrate with a few other families and we all met at a friend's house. We all brought take-out and ate dinner together on the patio. Well the adults ate dinner while the kid's tried to eat while they played!

We then all went out for the traditional trick-or-treating. Emma was a sorceress and Sofia was a fairy.

Many houses were decked out for the occasion. However, many houses seemed to be only partially in to the holiday. I noticed many houses with candy in a bowl on the porch with a sign for kids to help themselves. I am not sure what I feel about this option. The kids enjoyed picking their own candy but it did not feel very festive.

We ended the night by returning home and visiting our neighbors for one last round of trick-or-treats.

Gearing Up for Halloween

2008-10-30T20:16:00.000-07:00

We carved the pumpkins last night. The pumpkin on the left looked a lot better yesterday but he is some sort of ghoul or something. Carlos carved all the details. I carved the pumpkin on the right for Sofia who requested a baby pumpkin.

Another Adventure Guide Campout

2008-10-26T20:28:00.000-07:00

I don't have many pictures of this campout. My husband had a business trip so I took both Emma and Sofia on the weekend campout. Frankly, keeping track of a 4-year-old and a 7-year-old by myself on the campout led to very few pictures. In spite of my exhaustion after the campout was over, we had a pretty good time. We waded in the creek looking for frogs, paraded in Holloween costumes, carved pumpkins, and roasted marshmallows over the campfire.

This is both girls exploring the creek:

And Sofia, showing of with a pose:

And Emma helping to carve the pumpkin (which won 3rd prize):

The Pumpkinliner...

2008-10-19T19:58:00.000-07:00

Well, the Adventure Guides had an activity to ride the “Pumpkinliner” today. http://www.fwry.com/pumpkinliners_2008/pumpkinliners_2008.html The Pumpkinliner is run by the Fillmore & Western Railway. You ride a vintage steam engine train over to a pumpkin patch. At least that is what I thought I had paid to experience. The reality was a little bit less than desired. The train itself may have been overbooked, but they had few real railway cars and many uncovered cars with those park benches nailed on to the floor. There was limited shade and it was hot. The train ride was less fun than I had thought it would be. The girls, of course, seemed to like it.

We arrived at the “pumpkin patch” only to find a glorified pumpkin stand. It was smaller than the pumpkin stand at our local mall! They did not actually have a patch, just loose overpriced pumpkins sitting around to choose. They had some “craft” booths that were really stands to sell cheap toys made in China. A small Merry-Go-Round, and two bouncers were there for the kids to enjoy. They apparently had Hay Rides, but I was the scrooge who refused to pay them an additional $2 per person for the ride.

I was quite disappointed. I will not ride the Pumpkinliner next year. I only took a few pictures but could not find any of the actual fake patch for your enjoyment.

I Hate Ebay! Well Not Really But Every Time I Sell On Ebay I Get Screwed!

2008-10-15T13:37:00.000-07:00

I have to say I just don’t understand why every selling transaction I have at Ebay is messed up. Usually, my main mistake is in estimating shipping costs too low. Then I end up spending my supposed profit on the shipping costs. Anything I earn is never sufficient to cover the time and frustration I put into the auction and shipping.

After I do a sale, I usually remember what a waste of time it is and vow never to sell anything again. Unfortunately, at some point I forget this vow and repeat the process. Don’t they say insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting different outcomes?

Well, my last sale with Ebay was the worst. My loving husband gave me a voucher for a free round trip plane ticket for valentine’s day. I tried to think of a way to use it that did not involved spending more money I did not have. I could not come up with anything. Finally, I come up with a plan. I notice listed on Ebay are tons of these vouchers. I can sell my voucher and earn a good bit, enough to pay for the cruise I want to take for our Anniversary in September. I check out how to list such an item and go for it. During the auction, it seems like a great idea. The bid price slowly goes up and soon it is close to $400. Everything is great until close of auction. I pack up the voucher, go to the post office, and ship it out to her. I want to send it insured but am told I can’t because it is a voucher. I have to ship it registered mail, which costs me about $25, much more than I charged her for shipping. Then because it is going registered mail, it takes weeks to arrive. Apparently, this is the most secure level of mail so it is slow. From this point on, everything goes wrong. The buyer is pissed the mail takes so long. She accepts my item and I have to help her get voucher changed into her name for her use, which takes much time and effort. The buyer books her plane ticket and THEN reports me to her credit card company to retract her payment! So far, I am still out over $400. They buyer has a free round trip plane ticket and continues to claim, she told her credit card company that she cancelled the retraction but papal continues to state her credit card company maintains she disputes the charge. I do not know what to believe, but it appears likely she cheated me and I am screwed. I want to believe in the goodness of others, but with each day, Paypal asks me to repay them 400 and something dollars!

Southern California Fires (But Really This is All about Me!)

2008-10-13T21:06:00.000-07:00

So it becomes clear this morning that the fire situation is escalating. In regards to our house, the fires are not that close. However, when you live in a Valley, there are basically two ways in and out. One on each end of the valley. I travel between home and the San Fernando valley every day to and from work. The fire is basically at the freeway I take to work, so that once this freeway and any adjacent canyon roads are closed, the only other option to return home is via the other entrance on the far side of the valley. However, to get there from work means I need to travel to the 101 freeway, which is basically one of the most crowded annoying So Cal freeways to begin with, but now that it is the only option home for many people is twice as crowded. Then I need to take the 101 basically around behind the valley and approach home from the back exit.

I only had one patient in the afternoon at 3 pm. In reviewing her appointment history, it was clear she had missed three previously scheduled appointments with me in a row. I knew she would not come, but I could not leave until after her appointment or she called to cancel. I called her 3 times on her cell and home numbers leaving messages to confirm appointment please if not able to come. Of course, she did not call. Therefore, I had to wait to leave work until after 3:30 when the freeways were already overcrowded. It took me over 2 hours to get home on freeways moving about 5 mph. I had to go to the bathroom for most of the way home, but could not make myself exit the freeway and delay the journey even more. Ugh, what a crappy day!

The Prodigal Husband Returns

2008-10-11T17:12:00.000-07:00

Carlos came back today. I was looking forward to his return. For practical reasons, I can’t wait to have some help with the kids. On the other hand, I was also looking forward to some adult attention and conversation. Unfortunately, I arrive home with the girls and Carlos gives them appropriate and enthusiastic fatherly attention but seems to have little attention left for me. Some days I really miss being the center of my husband’s attention.

Life with the Strong-Willed Child

2008-10-08T22:39:00.000-07:00

I realized this week that I only have one major thought when picking up Sofia from day-care. Sadly, it is not, "I can't wait to see my darling," or "What wonderful thing did my angel do today?' Instead, it is, "Okay what kind of trouble did she have today and will the teacher look at me with that look and sad nod?" I haven't felt this way in a while. I did feel this way when she went to Pinecrest during the toileting troubles. I eventually realized that Pinecrest had unrealistic rules about toilet-training and crappy teachers who were vilifying me and my child. We moved Sofia to her current placement and overall, we have both been happier.

However, I find those stressful thoughts and feelings returning and I am unsure what to do. Basically, Sofia is now 4. They expect her to listen and follow directions. Sofia does not agree. She would rather do what she wants to do. I don't blame her. It seems to me that most 4-year-olds would want to do that. However, how come it seems like the other children don't seem to have the same problems? A part of me feels like the world has unrealistic expectations for all children due to pressure to educate. Am I the unrealistic one?

Sofia does not have any problems academically. I hear she helps her peers most days. Unfortunately, she does like to climb the bookshelves or the fences. I am just not sure what to do. I want to believe she will mature and grow out of this. I think I struggle with this because I never had problems like this as a child. I was afraid to disobey. I was a follower not a leader. I kind of want Sofia to be a leader and I admire her strength and obstinence. BUT, I am tired of feeling condemnation by teachers. Not enough to really want Sofia to change however.

Life without Husband

2008-10-04T21:02:00.000-07:00

I am trying not to feel depressed about my husband’s upcoming business trip. I should be grateful he has had less business trips this year than usual, but all I can think of is one whole week being a single mom. Carlos is off to Virginia tomorrow and won’t return until Saturday. I do think it is harder for the partner who stays than for the one who goes away. I know his trip will not be relaxing but it will involve some down time. Being a single mom means that after an exhausting day of work, you commute home only to go to two places to pick up your kids, cook dinner, supervise homework and baths, get girls to bed, and then clean up, go to bed, only to wake up and get 3 people ready for the day, drive the girls to 2 different places, and then head into work for the whole thing to start again!

Ensenada

2008-09-25T16:13:00.000-07:00

Well, I did exert myself today. We actually did a mountain bike trip while the cruise was in Ensenada. We took a bus over to the Calafia Valley and were fitted with mountain bikes and gear. Then we took off with a small group of people and a few guides and rode up into the hills. It was damn hot! It was not true mountain biking. Some of the roads were paved. Even when unpaved, the path was wide and not too rocky. It was actually kind of fun because you could go very fast and the speed was exhilarating. I did really well until we were on our way back and I decided I was doing so well, I would take my camera out and take a few pictures…while biking…and once I realized that I was going a bit too fast and was approaching my husband too quickly and needed to brake. Unfortunately, with one hand on my camera and the other on the brake, I thoughtlessly hit the brake and only stopped the front tire. So I hit the ground pretty good and now have some nice road rash on my knee. In spite of this, I still had a great time.

Just Relaxing by the Pool

2008-09-24T15:12:00.000-07:00

Well, so far have done little more than relax and eat. I have spent many hours next to the pool listening to books on my phone. I don’t feel guilty at all. Working to have fun on your vacation is highly over-rated!

Cruising...

2008-09-22T09:11:00.000-07:00

Well, we leave on our cruise today. Carlos and I have our anniversary this week. Every year my goal is to schedule some getaway with my husband without kids (although I love my girls I value some adult time with my husband now and then). Every year I start to plan something early in the year that will be exciting and yet affordable. Every year I have a difficult time. This year was no exception. With no extra money at all, I finally realized that the only affordable alternative was the Baja cruise yet again. Therefore, that is why we are going on another 5-day cruise to Ensenada this week. Now don’t get me wrong, I actually kind of like this cruise. It is cheap and local. After we drive to the port, we just spend the next 5 days enjoying ourselves with no major decisions and no driving and all meals included.

Anyway, even though I have been on this cruise many times, I am so excited to spend the next 5 days relaxing with my husband.

More TrueBlood

2008-09-15T20:58:00.000-07:00

I am wanting to dislike this show. I already have too many shows I am slightly addicted to and feel the need to DVR on a regular basis. The summer always frees up some of my time and helps my separate a bit from my obsessions so I don't spend so much time watching television after the kids go to sleep. However, episode 2 and I still find myself sucked in!

Again, some of the visuals were kind of graphic for me (I mean they grossed me out!). I had no need to watch anyone actually drink blood or lick an open head wound. However, I find myself being sucked into the courtship of Sookie and Bill. I also find myself interested in the supporting characters too. Does anyone fear for Sookie's brother's life while he is tied to the bed and his lover is at work? I am also wondering about the cliffhanger and the scenes from next episode. Bill seems more like a loaner than a guy with a bunch of crazy vampire friends. So who are his house guests and why is Sookie always being attacked?

Can pregnancy and motherhood make us smarter?

2008-09-14T11:40:00.000-07:00

I just received my latest APA Monitor in the mail, which is the monthly publication all members of the American Psychological Association receive. The cover actually excited me with the big headline: The Pregnant Brain: How Pregnancy And Motherhood Change A Woman’s Brain—For Good. We have been hearing about studies related to this for several years now, but it was nice to have validation on the deficits I noticed during pregnancy and beyond and receive some hope that motherhood has other advantages than the more obvious ones.

Basically, multiple research studies document the fact that most women experience cognitive deficits during pregnancy. Studies confirm that women perform worse on memory tasks and other cognitive abilities. In fact, the most fascinating confirmation of “baby brain” was found in a study by Oat ridge et. al. in the January 2002 American Journal of Neuroradiology showing that that women’s brain volume diminished by about 4 percent during pregnancy and returning to normal after delivery!

The Monitor summarized other research showing most of these deficits appear to reverse after pregnancy and nursing. Research also speculates that these changes may serve as a means to allow mothers to eventually exhibit improved cognitive functions. There has even been research to show that mothers exhibit improved cognitive functioning and less memory decline than individuals who have never given birth (well, so far at least in rats).

So being pregnant may make you stupid, but it will go away once the baby is born and this process may help you become smarter into your old age.

Everyone Loves a Parade

2008-09-13T21:24:00.000-07:00

My daughters and I marched the Simi Valley Days Parade for the second time today. Well I had the opportunity to walk the parade route and hand out flyers while my daughters were supposed to ride the YMCA Adventure Guide float. We did the parade last year and it was fun but I also had to walk last year and push a stroller as they would not let my youngest on the float.

This year I was excited for my youngest as she was old enough to ride the float this year. Alas, she was kicked off the float before the parade even started. Now Sofia is only 4 years old and her focusing and patience are still in development. The float nazi kicked her off because she would not stay seated. She ended up walking the entire parade route passing out flyers for the YMCA and charming everyone. I think the YMCA should pay her for marketing!

After the fact, I realized I should have challenged the judgment. We were told to arrive at the parade and float at 7 am. The kids were allowed on the float around 7:15 and were told to sit on the hay bales. Then we waited and waited and waited. The parade did not start until 9 am!!! And we were #64 in the line-up which means our float did not start moving until after 9:30! Who expects any child to sit on hay for over 2 hours on a non-moving float?? Initially, I was just frustrated because Sofia does have spotty attention. However, eventually I realized it was unfair to expect anyone to sit for hours on hay.

In spite of my grumpiness about this one fact, we all had a great time. I wore my running shoes this year and I had no pain or blisters at all.

True Blood

2008-09-11T14:19:00.000-07:00

I watched the first episode of Trueblood last night on HBO. HBO already has a pretty good reputation for compelling television series and I have to admit like a lot of people I seem to be a sucker (no pun intended) for a good vampire story. I am not sure why we are so intrigued by a vampire tale. I know mine dates back to Anne Rice and her vampire series (thanks to my friend Erica who started that particular addiction). I recently read the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer. So when I heard HBO had a new vampire series, I set it up to record on the DVR. My addiction to the DVR should be a good blog post in itself!

Once again, I feel conflicted over my review. I must admit it was a seductive pleasure. The story and characters were compelling, even the tiny glimpses of the lead vampire, Bill. Sookie, played by Anna Paquin, was very likeable. I laughed out loud at some of the dialogue from her best friend in her interactions with people (she clearly said the things most people only think and never say out loud). I am usually a book fiend, but have never read the books this series is based on and it was fascinating to follow the back history (i.e., the invention of synthetic blood allowing vampires to live among us with no supposed threat yet ongoing suspicion and bigotry). All of this even more interesting because it is set in the South with its own long-standing history of bigotry and suspicion.

As I type all of this, I must admit I am hooked and cannot wait to see the next episode (which is only heightened by the cliffhanger of Sookie being brutally beaten at the end of the episode and curiosity over what Bill, the vampire will do when he interrupts this violence). I guess I am not so conflicted. The only true conflict I feel is over my own discomfort with the graphic violence and sex throughout the episode (although usually a common occurrence in the HBO series I have watched in the past). Sex and violence, especially together, are difficult to watch without feeling strange, even in the privacy of your own home. I feel embarrassed to feel that way, but also think that might be a good thing. I am not sure anyone should feel blasé with sex and violence.

The Zahir - Paul Coelho

2008-09-07T13:42:00.000-07:00

So I have been trying to join a book club. There is one in my town that meets once a month on a Saturday afternoon. I finally committed to attending this month and yet I am afraid I might still have to cancel due to over-scheduling. This month’s book is The Zahir by Paul Coelho. I am not canceling because I have not read the book. I have a reading addiction actually, so I finished this weeks ago.

I have to admit that I was a bit worried about discussing this particular book at my very first ever book club meeting. I still am not sure what I think about the book. It is supposed to be a book about a pilgrimage with themes relating to obsession, loss, and love. It tells the tale of a successful novelist who appears to have lost his focus and his search for his missing wife, Esther. He cannot figure out what led to her disappearance – abduction, infidelity, etc.? She leaves no real trace other than a questionable relationship with a friend, Mikhail. The husband becomes obsessed with his loss and search for his wife, ultimately writing a famously popular book on love and questionning his life and the varous meanings of love and life.

This book is pretty far from books I usually read. I do not graviate towards spirtuality. I have been avoidant of issues related to religion and God for years thanks to my catholic upbringing. Although I love fantasy, I am pretty grounded in reality. I found it hard to identify with the wife who leaves because her life is empty of meaning. She searched through wars and far away countries to find the meaning of life and love. Ultimately, through no help from Esther, the husband finds her after his own discovery of the meaning of love and life.

I feel as if I am missing the point. Perhaps I am not bright enough to undertake such a spiritual journey. I’d like to think that my meaning of life is the connections I make with other people. That does include my constant search for connection with myself. However, “finding myself” is meaningless if it occurs without context. I want to feel connected to people, my husband, my children, my friends. Am I fooling myself?

I just realized the other book I have been trying to read, is Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, which is also one person’s spirtual journey. Perhaps I need to give myself more time and just accept my current experience of The Zahir. I suspect I might be in a state of growth and maybe in time I will understand more of its message.

Back to School Night

2008-09-04T22:53:00.000-07:00

Back to School Night was tonight. Carlos and I left the girls with my mom and went over to the school to attend the first PTA meeting of the year and then sit in tiny little chairs in the classroom and meet Emma’s teacher. I have to say that I really like her. She is young but not too young and she appears to be confident, flexible, and energetic. Good qualities for a 2nd grade teacher. I was fairly accurate in my observation skills. She is due to have her first baby in November and will be out for at least three months. However, she appears to be a good caring teacher and Emma seems to like her so I will think positive thoughts.

The Karate Kids

2008-09-03T21:08:00.000-07:00

Emma and Sofia started karate this month. They both seem to like it. Sofia is enthusiastic and loved by all but, as usual, is having some focusing problems. Although she often refused to dance in dance class, sometimes she dances around the karate room. Emma seems to be pretty good. She smiles throughout class and appears to be learning quickly.

The most interesting thing about the karate classes is the teacher. He happens to have taught at my high school when I was attending but he is probably most famous for an appearance on a little reality show called Survivor. Does anyone remember Bruce Kanegai from Survivor: Panama?

Emma starts 2nd Grade

2008-08-27T22:41:00.000-07:00

We took Emma to her first day of 2nd grade. She was so excited and looked so grown up. Her teacher is Mrs. Luchansky and she seems very nice but also quite a bit pregnant. I suspect she is due before the Christmas holidays. I can't believe I have a daughter in 2nd grade.

Emma turns seven!

2008-08-17T23:31:00.000-07:00

My first baby girl turned seven today! I cannot believe I have a seven-year-old. We celebrated with a small birthday party. Emma had become obsessed with Hannah Montana and Camp Rock over the summer so of course she had requested a Hannah Montana party. The girls made bracelets, put on fake tattoos, and did karaoke to Hannah Montana and Miley Cyrus tunes. We also did a huge Hannah Montana piñata (as I could not find a smaller one). Finally, we had cake and ice cream and then everyone went home.

I was actually proud of myself. Celebrations and parties are always challenges for me. They stimulate my perfectionism. I usually obsess over the details and spend weeks planning for the “perfect” party. A few years ago, I realized this had to stop. It was not healthy for me and it was not a good habit I wanted to pass on to my daughters. My journey to reduce my perfectionism may make a great anecdote when I am leading a group of patients and encouraging them to do less and live better, but it was not pretty to realize that I had not enjoyed any of my daughters’ birthdays because I was too focused on achieving the perfect party!

For this party, I worked very hard on making it simple. I borrowed a karaoke system from a friend. I ordered the cake from Albertson’s and Emma loved it because it had Hannah Montana on it. I bought some munchies and drinks at the store that morning rather then cooking all kinds of treats. I already had the jewelry craft and the temporary tattoos left from a YMCA meeting that changed at the last minute. The girls had a great time and for once, so did I! I was able to enjoy the party and avoid being stressed.

Late for Work Again

2008-08-13T09:45:00.000-07:00

So I found myself hitting the snooze button this morning. I can't seem to get enough sleep. Alas, those extra 15 minutes did not seem to make much difference in my energy. Anyway, I rush to get everyone ready only to realize I still need to tidy the house in the hopes that the housecleaners will come today. Then I rush to the car only to remember my gas tank is on empty. So that explains why I arrive at work 20 minutes late and already feeling exhausted although the day has hardly started!

Magic Mountain

2008-08-10T09:50:00.000-07:00

Well I realized last week that Emma had earned a free ticket to Six Flags Magic Mountain with her reading during first grade. However, I finally read the actual ticket and noticed it expired Saturday. So I decided it was time for the family to make the trip there and saturday was the only day that worked with our schedules and yesterday, we trekked to Magic Mountain.

On the "up" side, the girls had a blast. They enjoyed every minute, even the long lines. And the lines were not that long considering it was a Saturday during the height of summer. They met Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck. Emma went on her first major roller coaster, Ninja.

On the "down" side, the weather was hot and humid, the food was terrible and over-priced, and there were a lot of rides the girls were still too young to go on. For me, there were a lot of rides that Emma could go on, but Sofia could not. That meant someone had to entertain Sofia for an hour or more while Emma went on the ride. We took turns, but it was still a bit taxing in the heat.

Overall, I don't think we will visit again until the girls are older and even then I would still rather go to Disneyland being the Disney freak that I am.

Cindy is gone

2008-08-09T13:06:00.000-07:00

Okay, I just learned that Cindy did pass away today. How strange to hear that news while you are with your family at an amusement park? I wish my mom had not left that info on my voicemail. I can't even think of what else to write. She was a sweet loving sad woman who never really saw any of that in herself.

Okay, I just tried to find a picture of Cindy to add to my post and could find none. How is it that you can know someone for 10 to 15 years and have no pictures to mark their existence?

Feeling Sad

2008-08-08T10:00:00.000-07:00

I learned that one of my extended family members is in the hospital and is likely to die. Details are sparse, but it is clear her medical problems are the end result of a life-long battle with anorexia. She is only one year older than I am and has a teenage daughter. I feel pretty helpless and sad. Although she has never asked for help and has been in treatment over the years, I still am fighting feelings of guilt. I know you can not help someone unless they want help and my role with her is family not psychologist. But when you spend many years as a psychologist working with individuals with eating disorders, it is hard not to feel like there must have been something you could do.

Livin' It Up At the Hotel California...

2008-07-18T22:18:00.000-07:00

So we went to a concert in the park tonight with an Eagle's tribute band. It was actually a lot of fun. We laid on blankets and ate a picnic. The girls ran around with their friends. I annoyed my husband by saying over and over again, "Wow, I did not realize the Eagles sang that song." I never realized how prolific they were and that I knew so many of their songs. I never really went to hear a tribute band play and always thought it would be kind of cheesy. However, it was very entertaining.

The 4th of July

2008-07-05T10:14:00.000-07:00

Happy 4th everyone a day late! I have not written so much lately but I think that is because I have been more involved in my life and busier doing things rather than writing!. We had a few friends over for the fourth for a pool party. It was a lot of fun. My goal this summer is to entertain more, especially more casual entertaining rather than saving up for one big event that stresses me out and i end up not enjoying too much. We spent most of the day by the pool and eating as well. After dark we stayed outside and only did a few sparkler's but the kids really enjoyed those.

The Hike from Hell

2008-06-30T13:26:00.000-07:00

Well, I realized I never blogged about the last hike. I was so excited getting ready for it. We were going to be hiking San Gorgonio and I would have a good experience somewhat closer to hiking Whitney than any of our other hikes. However, as I arrived at my hiking group's meet-up spot, I hear they forgot to get the permit so we had to change our location. Then they change the location to Fishbowls which is basically not an alpine hike but a very hot weather hike. My gear is all incorrect. To top it off, most of my gear was borrowed and although I left anything I might not need in the car, my backpack still weighed 10 pounds more than anyone and i was the one with the least experience.

So we drive over the Fishbowls trail head, which was still 1.5 to 2 hours away from home. We hike up the trail and believe me it was hard. I was not the slowest hiker there, but I was consistently the second to last hiker. I was steady and no injuries. My ankle felt fine. I did great at hydrating, much better than on previous hikes. the views were beautiful. Everything was great until we reached the summit and discovered....

We took the wrong trail and were miles away from our target. And the trail we took was one way without water and since one of our fearless leaders was out of water, we had no choice but to turn around and hike all day back to car. Our options were to camp out by the cars and then plan a different hike for the next day or give up and return home. They chose home and i was glad at that point. As I hiked the miles down to the cars, I had much time to think.

My thoughts eventually led me to realize that although my hiking group's leaders thought they had great experience, they were actually not so great in leadership. They are not particularly helpful or tactful. This was my second hike with them and neither hike had went well. The planning left a lot to be desired. How could they not know we were on the wrong trail when they claimed they had hiked it before and had a map and gps??? Did I want to follow these people on a more dangerous hike up Whitney? And finally, where was the fun? The hiking and planning for Whitney had begun to be stressful instead of fun. Why was i doing this if I was not having any fun?

So sadly, I have decided not to hike Whitney this year. I still plan to do it, but not with this group. i will find a better group for me and apply for a permit next year perhaps. I feel regret over not conquering Whitney, but no regrets over my decision, just relief!

So this is the sign that helped my fearless leaders

figure out we were on the wrong darn trail!!!!

Starting an Overnight Hike

2008-06-28T08:42:00.001-07:00

We were supposed to hike Mt. San Gorgonio but no one seemed to notice you need to apply for permit 3 weeks in advance. Instead, we are off to fishbowls. My pack weighs over 35 pounds. I tried to get it lighter but that is difficult when most of your gear is borrowed. I can't believe I am doing this.

End of Week One at Summer Day Camp

2008-06-20T20:47:00.000-07:00

I felt I should provide another update since I was not very happy with the YMCA day camp. Well...after week one Emma seems to be happy. She seems to have made a few friends. I still suspect one or two of the older kids is not too nice to her, but I have to admit that this happens everywhere and she is going to have to learn how to deal with mean kids no matter where she goes. She loves the swimming and is very proud of how much better she is swimming. Carlos is out of town tonight for business, so the girls and i went in the pool after dinner and Emma was showing off her improved swimming skills!